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Fairness scream: The new male obsession"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?" The words at once evoke images of the evil queen as she strikes a vain pose at the looking glass. However, these days one needs to be more accommodating and make way for a preening gent to put forth the above query. All these days, fairness would be a quality an Indian male would look for in his wife. Just see the Fair & Lovely ads to know what we mean. But today, this very obsession has turned on itself. More and more men are being just as exacting about their own skin color, complexion and tone as their female counterparts. Just take a look at all those TV commercials where celebrity endorsements dangle the bait of fairness creams, lotions and body wash specially designed for teenagers and young men seeking to take them to the promised land of social and sexual success. But before you rush to buy that cream, here's what that fairness is all about Fairness is skin cell deep Fair, ruddy, dark or wheatish is all determined primarily by the melanin content in our skin cells. Some races like the Africans have a high melanin content thereby giving them a dark colour while Europeans are of a lighter skin colour due to low melanin content. So whether you use an expensive fairness cream or go in for beauty treatments at luxurious beauty spas, genetics will have a final say on the matter. How fairness creams work...or do they? Fairness creams contain chemicals which block the production of melanin in the skin and thus enable a lighter skin tone and a fairer complexion. Mostly melanin production in men is more than females, which is why women's fairness creams don't have so much of an effect on men. The cosmetic industry recognized this factor and thus developed products designed for the male skin. However, some of these "men's only" fairness brands are glorified sunblock creams which block the harmful ultra violet radiation of the sun which blackens the skin. The dark side of fair Some of the beauty treatments and fairness creams contain chemicals like hydroquinone, mercury, and even steroids, which could do more harm than good. If you are obsessed about fairness, the least you could do is use a branded product (though that is no guarantee of its efficacy!). First sample it to check of it suits your skin. If a rash breaks out, consult a skin specialist immediately. Finally, it is the health of the skin which is more important than colour. So exercise regularly or use natural skin treatments like orange peels, cucumber patches to enhance your skin tone. Don't give in to peer pressure. The obsession for fairness can lead to low self-esteem and needless rivalry. Cosmetologists and marketers of fairness products are the only ones who will laugh their way to the bank at your cost. So, if you have a darker skin colour you don't have to go in for expensive remedies just because men in your age group find it cool. Self-acceptance is much better remedy than any beauty treatment in the world.  
Woman, look below your face too!Skin problems are not restricted to the face alone. There are several places where there could be problems. You don't have to grimace and bear it always! Moles: A mole is formed when the skin grows out in a crop or cluster. Moles can be quite harmless. At times, moles are also precursors to serious melanomas. If your mole suddenly grows big or changes colour or starts to bleed, see your dermatologist right away. He will advice a biopsy to rule out anything serious. It is always safe to be in the clear! Rosacea: This is an irritating skin condition that is brought on by specific triggers. It is usually manifested as red spots on the face, flushing or small red eruptions on the face. This condition has multiple triggers, the most common one being the sun. With no cure being available for rosacea, avoiding the triggers like sun, alcohol and extreme temperatures is the only solution. For moderate to severe cases, topical or oral antibiotics are prescribed. Depending on the severity, laser treatments that zap the blood vessels that cause the flushing can also be opted for. Ingrown hair: Too much of waxing and shaving results in the hair growing haphazardly. It results in hair curling up and growing up backwards. It can be a painful condition, especially if it gets infected. Wipe the skin with a cloth dipped in warm water to soften the skin so that it can grow freely. If the pus has already found its place, dab a bit of benzyl peroxide on it. Stretch marks: When your skin stretches with rapid weight gain, as in pregnancy, the result is unsightly stretch marks. Stretch marks, though a proud and happy achievement, can be an embarrassingly reality too! Treatment for them is possible when they are still fresh and pink. Applying a vitamin A or retinoid based cream regularly helps reduce the visibility of the stretch marks by making the skin more pliable. White spots: White spots can be anything from PMLE to Vitiligo. Polymorphous Light Eruptions are the typical whitish spots that come up on the exposed parts when you are out in the sun too much. It occurs due to the damage to the melanocytes by the harsh rays of the sun. In some cases, there are antibodies that the body produces against the melanocytes that go around killing the melanocytes in random places. This causes large white spots at random locations on the body which typically spread. So use a sunblock every time you step out into the sun. If you find the spot growing in size, consult your dermatologist. He may determine whether it is vitiligo. Vitiligo has no cure, there are oral medications available, which along with the sunrays help restoring some color to the skin. Birthmarks: These are pigment cells that are overgrown. Most birthmarks fade over time. However, if yours starts growing and changes to a dark brown color, get yourself checked by a skin specialist. Chances are that it could be a melanoma. Birthmarks are usually harmless and do not require removal except for cosmetic reasons. However certain medical conditions like melanoma also warrant their removal. Varicose veins: When blood in the legs isn't unable to pump up against gravity or if the valves of the leg veins are faulty, the blood starts stagnating in the leg. This causes the legs to swell and the veins to look prominent. This painful condition occurs in obese people, at times in pregnancy and in people with jobs that requires them to stand all day. Resting with the feet above chest level is a solution for mild to moderate cases. In severe cases, the solution is laser treatment. Scars: As a child, you burnt your leg by accidentally placing it on the hot silencer of daddy's bike? You may still have a scar to remind you of that incident! Scars happen after an injury to the skin's collagen and elastin. If scarred, you may have to live with it. However, there is no reason why the new injuries have to have reminders for life. Skin discolorations, keloids or pockmarks from acne attacks, whatever the scar, there are multiple creams and laser options available to treat them. Age spots: Also called Liver spots, they have nothing to with either your age or liver. They are caused when your skin produces extra melanin to cope with your sun exposure. Alternate application of a bleaching cream like hydroquinone and an exfoliating cream like a retinoid based cream can help lighten the spots. Do this under your dermatologist's guidance only. Other options include chemical peels and microdermablasion. Lasers are last option treatments for stubborn old spots. Eczema: This is a long-term skin disease, also known as atopic dermatitis. Most common symptoms include dry and itchy skin, rashes on the face, inside the elbows, behind the knees, and on the hands and feet. Currently, there is no single test to diagnose eczema, so doctors rely on information about you and your family. Treatment options do not include cure, only immediate relief from the inflammation and itching can be obtained. Hives: Hives are the red and sometimes itchy bumps on your skin. They usually appear as an allergic reaction to certain foods or drugs. People who have some form of other allergy are more likely to get hives than people who don't have any allergy at all. Other causes include infections and stress. Hives usually go away on their own, but if you have a serious case, you might need medical help. Skin is the largest organ of our body. It is the protective barrier between our body and the outer harmful world full of bacteria, viruses and other dangerous microbes. Hence, it becomes extremely essential that caring for our skin should find top spot on our health care list.
Importance of breastfeedingBreastfeeding is a natural act and that is why it is also one of the most beneficial acts for a baby. Breastfeeding provides essential nourishment and is the best food for the baby's stomach to digest. No matter how many infant formulas enriched with vitamins and minerals you provide to your baby, it can never replicate mother's milk. As for the mother, there is nothing more joyous than providing your baby with the best start that it can get in the long journey of life. The bond that the mother and the baby share through breastfeeding is one of the most special bonds. For the first six months, breastfeeding your baby is recommended for all mothers whether they are working or at home. Most working mothers are given leave, whether paid or unpaid, so they must ensure they provide their babies with regular breast milk. Breast milk protects the child against diarrhea, respiratory infections, pneumonia, ear infections, and helps to reduce chronic constipation and colic that the babies are prone to. Research also points to the fact that breastfed babies are immunized and protected against allergies, asthma, sudden death, diabetes, and obesity. They remain much healthier than those babies who are formula fed. In India, only 41% mothers begin early breastfeeding even though it has so many benefits. Mothers who exclusively breastfeed their babies help them to survive better. They also gift them with better brain development and these babies are likely to perform well intellectually. No matter which economic section of society the mother comes from, she can provide her baby with the best start in life by breastfeeding it and make sure that the child develops to its full potential. Breastfeeding is natural, simple, and cost-effective way to ensure your baby is healthy and continues to develop healthily. Since the breastfeeding campaign began on a large scale, child mortality has decreased. Immediate breastfeeding within one hour of birth has helped to significantly reduce sudden baby deaths. The colostrum, the first thick yellow breast milk is what protects babies from many diseases as it is filled with goodness. Lack of nutrition or malnutrition is another aspect that leads to infant deaths. Breastfeeding can significantly lower infant deaths from malnutrition as the mother's milk is one of the most nutritious foods provided by nature for the baby's healthy growth. A mother has the full ability to provide adequate nutrition for the baby, therefore breastfeeding needs to be encouraged fully. Employers need to create an appropriate space within their premises and should encourage new mothers to breastfeed their child. Breastfeeding also has a number of benefits for the mother. It helps to burn calories and the mother can return to her former pre-pregnancy state. Breastfeeding helps mothers to reduce their risk of breast, uterine, and ovarian cancer;high blood pressure;diabetes; and heart diseases. So for the first six months, mothers must make sure to breastfeed their baby and do not substitute it with baby food products.
Exercise to fight off depression in school kidsBefore concluding on the effects of different forms of exercise on children, it is important to note the distinction between fitness and exercise. Fitness encompasses most importantly a healthy lifestyle of which exercise forms a part. For this reason, when researchers examined the impact of fitness on emotional being of a child, most of them covered three main determining factors, namely the body mass index, the child's feeling about fitness, and a shuttle-run test. Depression is characterized by recurrent feelings of despair and hopelessness. The main symptoms of depression include sensations of unworthiness, dysfunctional thinking, lack of concentration, low level of sleep, anger, social isolation, crying, physical grievances like headaches which do not react to treatments, reduced interest in social activities, and thoughts on suicide. It is not necessary that every child will undergo all the symptoms. If most of the symptoms recur continuously, then it is a warning sign. The propensity towards chronic depression is higher in those who suffer from depression during childhood. A healthy lifestyle is accompanied by a range of psychological benefits. When you exercise, your body produces endorphins which stimulate positive sensations about the self. Produced by the brain, they also reduce the sensation of pain. A healthy lifestyle boosts the sleep cycle and helps in coping better with tough situations. A medical study conducted by University of Texas revealed the positive effects of physical activity on middle-school graders. It was found that there is a robust link between depression and fitness in girls. Even though boys show association, it is not explicit.  Conclusively, it was pronounced that exercise helps in reducing the chances of depression in school-going children. The best way to help your child is by introducing activities that she or he finds interesting. Initially, you might face resistance. The most important task is to communicate with your child. In the face of such resistance, you can attempt to find a hybrid therapy to reach out to your child. Apart from scheduling appointment with a child psychologist, you can also meet up with a physical health advisor. Emphasize on activities which will also help your child to meet new people. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, one of the main benefits of physical activity is betterment of academic achievement and conduct in children.
Crossing the smoke screenWhy should someone quit smoking? Smoking is probably the worst sedentary lifestyle habit that we pick up. Quitting smoking changes everything right from the way you feel, taste and smell, your breath smells better and even your cough goes away. Quitting smoking cuts down the risk of cancer, stroke, neuropathy, heart disease and breathing disorders like bronchitis, pneumonia, and emphysema. Not just that, quitting saves money too... just one of the many financial rewards of quitting. Quit Smoking Tips Write down the reasons you want to quit for, and how it will benefit you: for e.g. live longer, feel better, family safety, save money, smell better, find a soul mate easily, etc. You know what's bad about smoking and you know what you'll get by quitting. Read the list daily. Ask for help from your family and friends. Help and support of family and friends without being judgmental helps a lot. You need their support when you become irritable and even irrational while you withdraw from your smoking habit. Set a Deadline. Set a quit date when you will extinguish forever. Prepare a plan. Talk with doctor and take his support and guidance. Exercise. Exercise helps relieve stress and recovers body from damage caused due to cigarettes. Start slow and increase up to 30 to 40 minutes. Begin to breathe. Daily deep breathing for 5-15 minutes will help cleanse the respiratory system and provide more oxygen repairing the damage caused to respiratory system and help cope with withdrawal symptoms. Do not quit abruptly. Cut down on cigarettes gradually. Plan everything about number of cigarettes you will smoke each day till the quit date, reduce the number each day. Buy single cigarette at a time. This helps a great deal to limit smoking. Change brands. This way you won't enjoy smoking as much. Undertake social commitment. Keep your packet of cigarettes with someone else, so that you have to ask for them each time you want to smoke. This way you'll feel guilty about asking and hence smoking; hence lowering the number of times you smoke. Find a mate who is trying to quit. This will boost the morale and keep up the positivity. Try finding a quitting chat room. Learn what triggers desire to smoke - like stress, the end of a meal, arrival at work, entering a bar, etc. Avoid these triggers or if that's impossible, plan alternative ways to deal with the triggers. Now, after you have read this, sit down and write your own list suitable to your personality and way of doing things and create your own plan for quitting.  
5 Mistakes yoga beginners makeYoga is a science that has been developed by the ancient Indian sages after a lot of research and study. That is why yoga is difficult to master immediately and one needs a lot of practice to achieve every posture or asana in the perfect manner. So, it is very important to learn the yogic techniques from an expert and one must avoid performing yoga on your own, at least in the initial stages to ensure that you do not suffer from any physical injuries by wrongly straining or stretching your muscles during practice. Yoga can benefit you only if you perform the asanas according to right techniques. Hence, you should try to avoid mistakes right from the beginning. Here are the five most common mistakes people make while performing yoga as beginners: Learning How to Breath Inhalation and exhalation, some say is the most important process that you need to control while performing yoga. While trying to achieve certain asanas, you have to hold your breath for a while and because of this, your muscle fibers are deprived of oxygen for that time. And one needs to do this while holding one's body in that particular posture. With less strength in your muscles, there are chances that you may fall down or get injured. Hence, as a beginner, when you do not have proper control over your breath, it is best to inhale in short breaths, instead of going for the full belly breaths. Just as you slowly inhale, remember to exhale slowly as well, so that the rhythm of the yogic posture is not disturbed. Do not push Yourself Too Hard Most of the contemporary exercises are based on the principle of 'more pain, more gain'. These exercises tell you to stretch more and push harder to get the best results from your workout routine. However, in the case of yoga, the opposite holds true. If you push yourself beyond your limits to attain a particular posture in yoga, you might actually end up straining and injuring your muscles instead. . So, when you are doing yoga come what may, do not push yourself beyond your natural limits. Do Not Compare Some people are naturally gifted with super-flexibility, while the rest of us may not achieve it despite practicing yoga for years together. Each of us has a different type of body and hence, you should not try to compete with those who are highly flexible, especially, if you are trying yoga for the first time or after a long time. You must give your body some time to loosen up its rigidness and become flexible enough. Trying to compare your body's abilities with others and forcefully pushing yourself to perform postures, just to match up, will hurt you eventually. Where to Place the Mat? The best place to put the mat is at the back of your yoga class, especially if you are new to yoga. If you keep your mat at the front, you will become more conscious and will never be able to concentrate on the asana. Instead, if you are at the back, you will always have the front row to follow, just in case you miss the instructions by the instructor. Go easy on the Food! Yoga postures can be intense and if you go into class with a full belly, you will, most definitely find it difficult and uncomfortable to perform the asanas. The key is to eat about an hour before and almost half the size of your usual portion; so that you can perform the asanas comfortably and get the exact fuel necessary for performing them.
Fruit diet can be dangerousFruits are healthy and provide lots of nutrition, vitamins, antioxidants, carbohydrates, fibre and bioflavanoids to the body.These things together protect your body from different health conditions and heart disease. However if you only eat fruit, you miss many other essential nutrients such as fats and protein. This can upset your stomach and lead to indigestion. Hence it is very important to take a well-balanced diet to remain healthy. Check out why you should not rely solely on fruits for living. Fruits do not provide protein Protein is highly important for your growth and development. By eating only fruits, you are restricting your intake of proteins that can stop your overall development process. Your body requires calories and energy on a regular basis. Each cell of your body contains protein. To keep your body cells in top working condition it is important that you include protein-rich foods such as lentils, soy products,  nuts and beans in your regular diet. You can also consume low-fat dairy, lean meat, fish and skinless poultry to provide required amount of protein to your body. Fruits do not provide fat Although excess of fat is not good for health, it is essential that your body requires on daily basis to ensure smooth functioning of your immune system and also to help your body absorb various minerals and vitamins provided by other foods like fruit. If you continue being a fruitarian for long duration, the chances of stroke due to brain haemorrhage increases. According to health experts, you should get around 20 to 35 percent of your daily calories from fat. To provide your body with good fats you should include soybean, sunflower, olive or canola oil in your diet. Fish and poultry also provide good amount of healthy fats to the body. Too much of fruits can lead to digestive problems Fruits provide fibres to the body in large amounts. Although your body needs fibre as it is one of the essential nutrients, getting too much of fibre can lead to side effects. Fibre works as broom to clear of your abdomen and aid in the digestion process. However, too much of fibre leads to stomach problems and cause symptoms such as gas, cramps and bloating. Sometimes it may also lead to chronic diarrhoea, dehydration and loose stools. On a regular basis, a woman requires only 22 to 28 gm of fiber per day and a man needs 34 to 38 gm. Apart from fruits, seeds, vegetables and whole grains also provide fibre to the body. Other considerations If you limit your intake to fruits, you may not get enough calories required for producing the required amount of energy. Consuming calories less than 1100 per day can lead to lot of side-effects such as intolerance to cold, gallstones, hair loss and fatigue. So although fruits taste wonderful and are very tempting, being a fruitarian is not the best thing for your health. Your body needs all the nutrients for carrying out its different activities and hence you should include variety of foods in your diet.  
Adrenaline rush - Feel it inside!Imagine yourself at a great height, either scaling a dangerous cliff-hanger of a rock face or on a bungee jumping platform. Some of us who have had the pleasure of doing high adventure sports like racing or indulging in perilous activities like giving out an acceptance speech for the first time are well aware of that strange feeling in the solar plexus, the clammy hands and intensely thudding heart, and the rush of blood to the head just as you are about to take the plunge! The heart beats faster than ever, breathing goes rampant, the senses seem to become supercharged, and the fear, the joy, and the excitement meddles with the mind. That’s adrenaline rush! So what do you want to do? Fight? Or flight? Either ways, adrenaline does it for you. Speaking medically, the two small adrenal glands on top of the pair of kidneys release a magic chemical that gives the animals way towards the fight-or-flight response to counter certain high-intensity situations, called adrenaline or epinephrine. The chemical entity is a hormone, a neurotransmitter as well as a medicine and is too complex to explain its behavior. However, when it works the heart pumps out the blood to the excited muscles and all the juices surge up inside the body. There is more to this topic than just the physiological mumbo-jumbo. The hormone acts every day in the normal course of life, but not regularly to the extent when it produces side effects such as shakiness, palpitation, high anxiety, and profuse sweating! Thats kept for special situations like physical threat, excitement, bright lights, noise, and really high temperature – in good or bad ways. Let us surf through some of the rewarding and a few of the nasty situations where the jolting juice takes charge of our body! The Good ones: Countering Stress: In extreme stress conditions like accidents or fracture, the body needs to react fast and is at its highest awareness. Adrenaline keeps the muscles up and kicking to help the victim fight with the stress. High Energy Requirement: In majority of sports, more specifically in contact sports like Rugby, Boxing, Mixed Martial Arts, etc., the player needs to be in his full sense and topmost concentration level. The adrenaline rush runs in the background to keep them at their extreme self. The Push Mode: Often the daily chores aren enough to excite us and we tend to search for some adventure. In such pursuit of excitement, there are times when the road is a dead end or there is only one way forward – the impossible or most difficult one! The hormone pumps the brain both ways with fear and with the push to conquer the fear and proceed. Adventure Sports often sounds fun, but at times when running ahead of a raging bull, or hanging off a cliff, or rafting down the rough waters of a cascade – feels like the heart shall come out and scream!! It is the rush of adrenaline that keeps one ahead of the fear and explore the high-energy fun of winning over it. Life Saving Moments: In cases of life-threatening emergencies such as drug overdose, cardiac arrest, or pulmonary failure, where the heart and lungs suddenly cease to function and the body gets into a shock –– the epinephrine shots are considered as a life-saving medication to bring the patients back to life (only to be used judiciously by a qualified medical practitioner). The important medical use of adrenaline is in treatment of acute anaphylaxis and allergies under medical supervision. The Bad Ones: Disorders of the Adrenal: Tumors and cancers of the adrenal gland can cause hyperactivity of this high-performance hormone affecting the normal functioning of the heart and the blood vessels by increasing heart rate and creating anarchy in the body systems. Over-Stressed Adrenaline Rush: The demand-supply mismatch in the present world scenario requires one to perform at his/her epitome of mental and physical strengths. In that constant urge of performance, the brain and the body is stressed out so intensely that the adrenaline surge symptoms are experienced by the individual even in the absence of threatening situations. Sudden sweating of palms, shortness of breath, pounding heartbeats, or chest pains without a justifiable reason can be a result of constant stress.
Thyroid may make your heart flutter!Thyroid is a small gland situated in the area of neck. In Greek, thyroid means the shape of a shield. Yes, thyroid gland is vital to a variety of important body functions and does act as a shield. But what happens when the shield is disturbed and goes weak? Thyroid dysfunction is recorded in approximately one to four people out of hundred Thyroid link to heart A research study was conducted in 2009 by Weill Cornell Medical College researchers. It was done to investigate and analyze the genetic link behind rhythm control of heartbeat. They found that the genes that are responsible for synchrony and rhythm in the functioning of heart are also closely connected to the thyroid hormone synthesis and could cause dysfunction of the thyroid. Thyroid activity directly influences the metabolism, blood flow and electrical activity of the heart. When there isn't enough thyroid hormone (low levels), the patients complain of low energy levels, fatigue and reduced heart rate. On the other hand, with increased thyroid hormone levels in the blood, patients report symptoms of hyperactivity of systems. There is diarrhea, palpitations, increased heartbeats and advanced cases show arrhythmias of heart, where normal beating rhythm of heart is disturbed and becomes irregular. Thyroid hyperactivity can be appropriately controlled with regular medication. Understanding arrhythmias When the rhythm of the heart is disturbed, it becomes irregular - this is called cardiac arrhythmia. There are various types of loss of rhythm - heartbeat is too slow (that is, the cycles are taking too long to complete), too fast (the cycles are repeating too quickly), too early (that is, before a cycle is even completed, another starts), too irregular (this is called fibrillation, where no specific pattern may emerge). The patients who have arrhythmia will often come with complaints of dizziness, shortness of breath, suddenly feeling weak or lightheaded, fainting and feeling of a flutter in chest (flutter can be understood as light but quick flapping of wings by a bird). Arrhythmias are usually harmless and most people would continue to live a healthy life for years with arrhythmias. But that does not mean it can be ignored. There is a battery of tests available to diagnose and indicate the seriousness of arrhythmias and let your doctor take a call on the line of treatment. If you have a thyroid dysfunction, get your heart checked immediately. And if you have faced arrhythmias, get your thyroid checked immediately. Both the conditions are controllable and treatable; there is no cause to worry over what could go wrong. Just be vigilant and informed.
Reasons for skipping sexThe most important satisfaction brick in a marriage's foundation, sex is where we show the greatest trust, most openly express intimacy and make ourselves most vulnerable. It is the most personal and private area of our relationship. It is the one area that separates this relationship from all others. Yet, there are times for both husbands and wives when sex becomes a burden and not a blessing, an inconvenience instead of intimacy, and a job instead of jubilee. Curious as to why people might be skipping sex? This is only a partial list and far from exhaustive. Reasons related to your body: I have a migraine. I have a stomachache. My body is too tired. My breasts are too sore. I am too sleepy. I can't keep my eyes open. I just need to take a little nap first. Okay, but I have a rash. Okay, but I have several weird looking cold sores. Reasons related to your emotions: I am depressed. I am worried. I am sad. Cry Reasons related to your kids: The kids are still up. We might wake up the kids. I just had a baby. This baby is wearing me out. Reasons related to your experts: My therapist said I need to give myself some time. My counselor said I should create some boundaries. I have to see my Gynecologist tomorrow. The Doctor gave me these sleeping pills for stress and I just took one. Reasons related to your spouse: Who was that girl / guy you were talking to on the phone? Sex, Sex, Sex All you ever want is sex! Why can't you just hold me? You should have asked in a more romantic way! Why do you have to use such crude language? Reasons related to your weather: It's just too hot. It's just too cold. It's too humid. Reasons related to your economy: When the economy improves. When the interest rates go down. When inflation goes down Reasons related to your special circumstances: We just got back from vacation! When I lose 20 kgs. Reasons related to your friends: I need to make a call first. My friend said they only do it once a month. Reasons related to your pets: The dog can see us. The cat is on the bed. Reasons related to your finances: Okay, but first we need to talk about the bills. Why did you charge this hotel room on our credit card? Reasons related to your job or boss: I have to get up early tomorrow. I was up all night last night. I had a long day at work today. The boss just gave me a new project and I have a lot of work to do Reasons related to your religion: Doesn't the Bible warn against having too much sex. I am sorry, but I just took a vow. I am giving up sex for Lent. Reasons related to your in-laws: We are in your parent's house. I have not been able to concentrate since your mother Your parents will hear us. Offer an alternative: Can I just take care of you in the shower? Okay, but you have to drive the kids to school in the morning. Use evasive tactics: Sneak in and go to sleep early. Okay, but let's watch this movie first. It's just too late. I'll be there in a minute. (Take an hour) Can we just cuddle? I just need you to hold me. Ask a sensitive question: Did you go to the bank and make our deposit today? Have you seen the kid's report cards? Wait for your spouse to tease you and then say coldly, well, you just lost whatever you were going to get tonight.
Is sex linked to self esteem?Man is a curious creature, full of quirks and contradictions. Sexual intercourse, something that most people consider an intimate and private experience, is spoken about in hushed tones and often, with some discomfort. We don't reveal or talk about our sexual desires, as readily we discuss our salary packages or food habits. This is quite ironic seeing how sex is an important gauge for a person's self esteem and also an indicator of his/her social desirability. The very thing that we do under covers, we somehow choose to "keep under cover". The Link between Sex and Self Esteem: Self esteem is an important factor that determines the mental & physical well-being of an individual. All of us have a craving to be understood, liked and appreciated; and these form the equivalent of our basic needs on the inverted pyramid- Food, clothing and shelter. For a human being to flourish and prosper, consumable food, without the mental food of appreciation, is not enough; and sexual intercourse or an intimacy with the opposite sex, is one way of validating that need. Sex therefore, ceases to be just a physical need instilled by nature for the perpetuation of the species, but goes into the larger emotional cum psychological dimension of self actualization and realization. Though some of us might be embarrassed to broach the topic of 'whether or not we are getting enough', the truth is that every human seeks to achieve his sexual potential, even while he or she might, not be aware of it. Most of us have the ability to get the foods matching our taste preferences onto our plates, but with sex, this could be a little difficult, since sex, is a complex subject with a lot of social, moral and religious links. The truth is evident in the number of marriages (the very cornerstones of civil society) that fail on the basis of sexual compatibility, either by setting unrealistic sexual expectations or by not owning up to, or even identifying, one's sexual needs. This has repercussions on the psyche and self-esteem of a person, and this is especially true in the case of men in particular, as they may feel completely inferior for not being able to attract a sexual partner matching his desires. In some people, this also leads to a case of self-loathing, for having sexual needs which a partner doesn't understand, or much worse, needs which are considered taboo and sinful (Homosexuality, Anal Sex, Group Sex, Fetishes, etc.) These complex emotions can wreak  havoc on a person's self-esteem, by creating severe internal conflicts and serious self-doubts. Now socially, sex can either liberate a person, or hold him prisoner. At times, the unfulfilled needs may get repressed and banished to the shadows, only to be played out later, in the form of sexual adventurism and crime. Just one look at the sexual crimes in our society today, and we can clearly understand just how healthy our collective self esteem is! The very society that frowns upon prostitution, is actually responsible for creating it, though everybody would like to pretend otherwise. The crux of the matter is that "sex" and "self esteem" are closely related; and one should not shy away from addressing any issues one might face regarding one's sexuality. Physical love is necessary for the survival of a relationship and one needs to make time and efforts to successfully create one's own sexual space. The positive effects of a good sex life can be seen in an increased work productivity, fewer illnesses and an increase in one's overall efficiency. Some people are haunted by sexual guilt and confusion and when they keep it all locked up, they suffer from unexplained physical pains and feel 'down in the dumps' mentally. Another problem with appreciation from the opposite sex, is the addiction to  external validation. Some people feel utterly worthless until they receive positive feedback about their looks or abilities on a regular basis. This can be downright devastating, as in these cases, there is a great dependence on external factors for one to feel good. While no one denies the "feel good factor" of sexual appreciation, it is up to each one of us, to decide just how much of control one must be giving to external factors, to determine our personal self-esteem. The appreciation may be theirs, but the esteem is entirely of the self and only the self can decide how much of appreciation and sex is enough.
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