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Fairness scream: The new male obsession"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?" The words at once evoke images of the evil queen as she strikes a vain pose at the looking glass. However, these days one needs to be more accommodating and make way for a preening gent to put forth the above query. All these days, fairness would be a quality an Indian male would look for in his wife. Just see the Fair & Lovely ads to know what we mean. But today, this very obsession has turned on itself. More and more men are being just as exacting about their own skin color, complexion and tone as their female counterparts. Just take a look at all those TV commercials where celebrity endorsements dangle the bait of fairness creams, lotions and body wash specially designed for teenagers and young men seeking to take them to the promised land of social and sexual success. But before you rush to buy that cream, here's what that fairness is all about Fairness is skin cell deep Fair, ruddy, dark or wheatish is all determined primarily by the melanin content in our skin cells. Some races like the Africans have a high melanin content thereby giving them a dark colour while Europeans are of a lighter skin colour due to low melanin content. So whether you use an expensive fairness cream or go in for beauty treatments at luxurious beauty spas, genetics will have a final say on the matter. How fairness creams work...or do they? Fairness creams contain chemicals which block the production of melanin in the skin and thus enable a lighter skin tone and a fairer complexion. Mostly melanin production in men is more than females, which is why women's fairness creams don't have so much of an effect on men. The cosmetic industry recognized this factor and thus developed products designed for the male skin. However, some of these "men's only" fairness brands are glorified sunblock creams which block the harmful ultra violet radiation of the sun which blackens the skin. The dark side of fair Some of the beauty treatments and fairness creams contain chemicals like hydroquinone, mercury, and even steroids, which could do more harm than good. If you are obsessed about fairness, the least you could do is use a branded product (though that is no guarantee of its efficacy!). First sample it to check of it suits your skin. If a rash breaks out, consult a skin specialist immediately. Finally, it is the health of the skin which is more important than colour. So exercise regularly or use natural skin treatments like orange peels, cucumber patches to enhance your skin tone. Don't give in to peer pressure. The obsession for fairness can lead to low self-esteem and needless rivalry. Cosmetologists and marketers of fairness products are the only ones who will laugh their way to the bank at your cost. So, if you have a darker skin colour you don't have to go in for expensive remedies just because men in your age group find it cool. Self-acceptance is much better remedy than any beauty treatment in the world.  
Strict parenting: When enough is enoughThe strict or authoritative style of parenting is where the parents hold their children's lives over a tight leash. Strict parents are high in control and low in nurturing qualities. They set high standards for all activities and expect strict obedience to the rules set by them. However, these parents display little or no warmth and affection. They love and affection they offer is also conditional love based on obedience and performance. Children of authoritarian parents turn out to be obedient, but this obedience is based on fear. Such parents very often use shame and guilt to make their children change their behaviour. They don't encourage verbal give-and-take and expect their orders to be obeyed without question. The children brought up in such a way are initially very obedient and polite but later all the suppressed emotions find an outlet. More often than not, such children end up being aggressive and tend to be bullies at school. Research shows that fathers who are extremely strict with their sons end up making their sons violent and aggressive, or indulge in non-physical aggressiveness like name calling. Strictly raised children have difficulty relating to their peer group. They either end up being aggressive or completely timid and submissive. At school teachers rate them as less socially competent, average or poor at studies and extra-curricular activities. They are also less accepted by their friends. The school dropout rates in such children are very high. Studies conducted on such dropouts revealed that they suffered from a huge inferiority complex and low self-esteem. Strict parenting can cause several problems in adolescence too. Children who are dominated by their parents are often found breaking the law. Alcohol and drug abuse rates are high in such children. Psychologically, these children are usually poor decision makers. Having had their parents make decisions for them all their lives, they find it very difficult to take a stand. They end up being indecisive. At the workplace too, they lack the competency to take up initiatives or show the lead. They make better team members than team leaders. Even if presented with an opportunity, they are likely to shy away from responsibility as they feel inferior and lack the requisite courage. Strict parenting can have a negative impact on the child's weight too. Studies show that an overly strict upbringing has a negative impact on weight because the children often fail to learn to eat on the basis of hunger and satiety. In such families parents use food as a reward, insist that children clean their plates, or restrict the kind or amount of food a child can eat. The studies showed that the children of authoritarian mothers were nearly five times as likely to be overweight compared to their counterparts!
The post-delivery bluesA baby being born is cause for celebration. Especially in a country like India, where the family ties tend to be close, there is a festive atmosphere at home. However, sometimes the mothers may not share the same enthusiasm. This wave of negative emotions in the middle of what is clearly a happy occasion can be confusing for the new mother. Interestingly these feelings are not abnormal, as many new moms face postpartum depression, which is also called baby blues. It is an emotional reaction that begins a few days after delivery and lasts not more than 2 weeks. What are the symptoms of postpartum depression? Feelings of anger or irritability. Lack of interest in the baby. Lack of appetite and sleep disturbance. Crying and sadness. Irritability or hypersensitivity. Feelings of guilt, shame or hopelessness. Loss of interest, joy or pleasure in the things you used to enjoy. Possible thoughts of harming the baby or yourself. What are the causes of postpartum depression? Postpartum depression can occur due to a combination of factors. Hormonal changes: Changes in the level of hormones can leave you feeling tired, sluggish and depressed. Changes in your blood volume, blood pressure, immune system and metabolism can contribute to fatigue and mood swings. Emotional factors: Feeling overwhelmed with the new arrival in the family, and taking care of the baby day and night, may leave you sleep deprived, overexerted, and anxious. New mothers also feel that they look less attractive after pregnancy. You may feel that people around you are concerned with the baby more than you, and that you are being neglected. All these emotional factors may lead to postpartum depression. Other factors: Issues like breast feeding, financial strain, and relationship troubles can also contribute to postpartum depression. How does one deal with postpartum depression? Take complete rest and sleep for sufficient hours Spend quality time with your husband Go for healthy diet Take morning or evening walk for fresh air Try to follow yoga or other exercises Share your feelings with your husband or friends Do not overexert Join some groups for new moms Go for individual therapy or counsellors Remember, postpartum depression is not an incurable problem. It is just a temporary state of mind, which can be overcome if you are sufficiently aware of the problem.                
A correctable disfigurement of face: Cleft lip and palateThe Times of India reports that "With an incidence of 7 per 1000 children, cleft lip and palate deformity is one of the most common deformities among Indian children." The number of infants born every year with cleft lip and cleft palate in India is 28,600. This means 78 affected infants are born every day or 3 infants with clefts are born every hour. Cleft lip and palate develop early in pregnancy where lack of adequate amounts of tissues lead to two parts of the face failing to join adequately at the middle. A cleft lip or hare lip (as it is commonly called) refers to separation of the two sides of the upper lip. There appears a narrow opening or gap over the skin of the upper lip. This separation may sometimes extend beyond the base of the nose and may involve the upper gum and/or the bones of the upper jaw. A cleft palate refers to the gap between the two edges of the roof of the mouth, causing it to remain open at birth. The bony front portion of the roof of the mouth or the hard palate may be involved alone, or along with the soft palate or the soft back portion of the roof of the mouth. Since lip and the palate develop separately, it is possible to have a cleft lip without a cleft palate or vice versa. Causes of developing cleft lip and cleft palate: The exact cause of cleft lip and palate is unknown. Some research, however, suggests that these clefts are caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors. The risk of such clefts thus can be reduced by adopting a healthy lifestyle during pregnancy. This includes avoidance of smoking, alcohol and having a healthy diet to avoid excessive weight gain during pregnancy. Cleft lip and palate can occur alone with no other problems or defects. This is called non-syndromic clefts. They may also occur as part of other birth defects and then may be called part of a syndrome. Cleft lip and palate may occur on one side (unilateral) or may occur on both sides (bilateral). Unilateral cleft lip and palate is more common than bilateral cleft lip and palate. Left-sided cleft lip and palate is twice as common as right-sided cleft lip and palate. The reason for this is unclear. A cleft lip or combined cleft lip and palate are seen more commonly in male babies. Cleft palate alone is more common in female babies. The face of the baby usually develops around 5th and 9th weeks of pregnancy thus this defect may arise early in pregnancy. Treatment of cleft lip and palate: Cleft lip and palate is usually corrected using cosmetic or plastic surgery. Results are usually very good. After treatment, most children have a normal appearance. To prevent and correct associated speech problems and dental problems, treatment is also sought from speech and language therapists, as well as dental surgeons (orthodontic specialists). Excellent results may be seen if the specialists work in tandem.
Boost your mood after a long day at workUp before the sun rise, rush to get ready, say hurried goodbyes to the family and crawl like a tortoise through traffic to get to work. Go through a long day of meetings, calls, deadlines, reviews, and then crawl back again through traffic at a snail's pace. Does this sound like a day out of your life? Then surely, weekends go by faster for you than you can say lickety-split, leaving with no time for yourself, your family or your hobbies. Social life is definitely a far cry from possible. This rigorous schedule eventually catches up with the mind and body and lethargy sets in, discouraging any sort of activity that breaks the monotony of day-to-day life. Is there no escape from this? Yes, there is. At the end of the day, when your mind is tired, you do not feel like taking anything more than you already have on your plate. Only the warmth of your bed allures you. However, if you were feeling fresh and enthusiastic, surely, you'd be ready to do a lot more - move mountains or at least drive to meet friends, anyway. An energetic life full of happy times with families without the constant desire of solitude after a long day's work is what you seek, then try these mood boosters to uplift your mood and get your feet tapping right away! The Aroma of Good Mood:Scents play a great role in the way we feel. They have the power to turn the mood around completely. Light a few scented candles or set up an oil diffuse of your favorite oil and you will feel lighter and De-stressed soon enough. You can also mix a few drops of rosemary and bergamot to create an energizing and refreshing infusion. Walk it Off:Most of us work in functional buildings in temperature-controlled environments. The lack of windows makes natural light and ventilation scarce and aids the buildup of gloom and tiredness. A good way to turn the mood around is to walk it off. A short walk around the block or in the building compound can bring you back in touch with nature. If you are lucky to be living in a green community, you have the added benefit of watching the trees and bird life in them. The exercise also helps release hormones in the body that uplift your mood immediately. A Good Deed Begets Good Mood:Giving is the greatest joy! So perform a good deed - if you see someone who needs help on the way back from work, stop for a few moments and help them. Or simply help your spouse, children, parents or neighbor out. And voila! You will find yourself feeling a lot better than how you did when you entered the house. Clear the Clutter:Organizing things and creating neat, clean spaces is a great mood booster. As you clean the clutter, you will find the clutter of thoughts in your head also clearing. Neat, well-kept spaces invite good vibes and energies, which again makes you feel better in turn. Petting a Furry Friend:Petting a dog for even 15 minutes releases the feel good, happy hormones. It does wonders for the stress level too. So the next time your furry friend comes rushing to the door, to welcome you back home, take time to give it some love. The Human Touch:We spend 10-12 hours a day away from our family and familiar touch. The human touch releases uplifting hormones such as serotonin and reduces heart rate and blood pressure making you relaxed. So when you get home, remember; a nice warm hug to your spouse or children will make you both feel better.Remember you work to live and not the other way. So when you get home from a long, tiring day, just boost your mood so you can thoroughly enjoy life with your family!
CryophobiaCold or hot can be a very subjective term as every person's tolerance for either heat or cold can vary. When some of us react in an extreme manner to all things cold, then it could be a case of cryophobia - the fear of catching cold or the fear of cold weather. Derived from the Greek "kryos" + phobos gives us cryophobia, which is a mental aberration where the mind develops a nagging and persistent fear of all things cold - be it cold weather, ice-cream, or maybe even a cold shoulder! Jokes apart, a person suffering from this condition could really experience 'hot weather' in his relationships as he will completely avoid any contact with anything cold. If the weather is a bit nippy then that's a veritable disaster for Mr. 'Avoid De Cold' as he will do everything in his power to stay indoors, for instance - turn on the central heating and wrap himself up until the mercury rises to an agreeable level. Though it is decidedly different from your run-of-the mill phobias, cryophobia could be of various types. There are some who are only afraid of cold in the 'weather' sense and are otherwise cool about touching cold objects or even having an ice-cream. While there are some who would probably break out into, if you will excuse the term, 'cold sweat,' even while watching floating icebergs on a Nat-Geo documentary. So, the sensation of cold is quite subjective, and hence the various strains of cryophobia. Generally, this fear would manifest quite logically for those who have occasioned to be trapped under ice accidently or maybe those who have suffered frost bite from exposure to cold weather during a skiing holiday. Under such circumstances, avoidance, though irrational, could be perfectly logical. If you monitor weather reports constantly and experience discomfort even in moderate climates, then you should get yourself checked for cryophobia, as chances are that soon you will be restricting yourself indoors and cutting yourself off from the rest of the world. Some people might just overcome fear or anxiety by wearing an extra layer of the woolens or turning up the central heating. For deep seated fears, it may require long-term counseling or medication. Some people might just have this morbid fear of developing pneumonia from a common cold and hence may take elaborate measures to avoid going out during cold days. This too can be quite normal since most of us don't want to call a day off from work due to a nasty cold. But despite adequate protection if you are still afraid of venturing out to work or are avoiding social contact just because of an irrational fear of catching cold when the weather outside is made for the beach and you are in the middle of summer! Then the catchphrase is - You have cryophobia!
10 Makeup mishaps and easy ways to avoid themRepercussions of those horrifying blends Astonished? As to why we are staring off with the "after effects" rather than discussing about the problems initially. Well, to understand how to avoid it, we first need to know why to avoid it. Firstly, application of the wrong makeup leads to spoiling your entire look and after that even if you wear any designer collection nothing shall compensate for those miseries. Secondly, applying makeup does not start when you hold that lipstick in your hand or take that brush close, it started way before, when you chose the brand or the type. Understanding your skin type and then choosing the best option is way too important than actually applying the makeup. Thirdly, never be "penny wise and pound foolish" when it comes to your cosmetic brand, as in the pursuit of saving some money, you might end up paying the dermatologist a huge fee for treating tarnished skin. The most awaited party and your make up got totally smudged, nightmarish right? Read on to find ways to avoid it. Keeping the above catastrophic consequences in mind lets know about the 10 makeup mistakes and ways to evade them. How to avoid those 10 makeup mishaps Laying the great  "Foundation" Do you pay all your attention in choosing the matching lipstick and eye shadow and end up paying no heed on the foundation to be applied? If your answer is YES then this is the column you need to stick your eyes to. Wrong foundation type or erroneously mixed foundation can cause more dangerous aftermath than a snow storm. Follow the 3 simple steps to make your foundation always compliment your makeup to the fullest: Chose your foundation color and brand by testing the same on your skin and seeing the texture under good natural lighting. The foundation blend should be always created by adding right amount of water and moisturizer into it to create a suitable mixture. Apply the foundation not only till your face but extend it to your neck and ear area to give a uniform appearance. Blistering of the Blush Have you spent 3 hours to get that right look and 3 minutes in realizing that the makeup was too heavy you stepped out? Well blushes, if not applied in the right amount, will end up making you look too loud for the occasion. The instant solution:  chose a color which compliments your skin tone and apply it under good lighting to know the real effect it has on your skin. Under the dark shadows of the eye shadow Isn't eye makeup your most favorite part of your entire look? Most of the girls will give a big nod to this. Eye makeup can solely make you look like a diva or a devil taking into consideration how you do it. Try to play with colors but do not end up choosing a shade totally different from your eye color and complexion. Chose a shade which compliments your eye color and your outfit. The Mascara Massacre Avoiding dramatic movies and stepping out in the rains is the maximum refuge we take to save our mascara and making us turn into a black-eyed devil. You think there is no way to get rid of this? Then you are wrong for once, as such situations can be avoided just by resisting the application of the mascara on your lower eyelids.  Seal the concealer It may be a magic wand to hide that pimple at the wrong place or those dark circles you got after the late night study sessions but always remember to mix your concealer well with the nearby skin area to give a natural look. Also, create a firm mixture before applying it to avoid lines showing on your face. The eye brow hassles Too less eyebrow hair make you uncomfortable even with good makeup? The solution is simple, move the eyebrow pencil firmly on your eyebrow to give some volume to your eyebrows. Just do not overdo it as it might spoil your entire look. Apply just one or two light streaks of it on the eye brows and you are good to go. Dangerous chronicles of the eyeliner Applying the eyeliner can be a fetish among many women but how to do it and how much is a point to discuss here. Try to apply pencil liners if you are a beginner especially. Dress as per occasion and apply the liner accordingly. Carry wet tissues always and clean up well in case they get grubby.  Lash out those artificial eye lashes Giving volume to your eye lashes can be very beneficial but do you know how much volume is just enough? If no, try to start with very few artificial lashes. Heavy usage of these lashes can make your look go haywire. So start off with less and then move ahead as per requirement.  Right streak of the Lip liner One might always get confused as which lip liner will go well with the lipstick shade you got but always try to chose a lighter liner shade which shall hold your lipstick and give it a neat and tidy appearance. Gloss or Matt-the great dilemma of a Lipstick Do you always sit with just one question before buying the lipstick that should you go with gloss or matt colors, here is the easy answer - chose gloss for informal occasions and ceremonies. Usage of matt can be done for office presentation where you do not have time for instant touch ups. Avoid matt when you are out for weekend parties, as gloss will give you the needed liveliness you need that time. Choose the color which goes well with your skin tone rather than the one matching your dress. Try to experiment and flaunt but do not experiment with anything that might damage your skin.
21 foods for a healthy heartFollowing is a list of heart-healthy food substances: Garlic: Did you ever think that the commonly available garlic in your kitchen can be heart healthy? It may be smelly for some, but for the heart it is a soothing substance. Garlic is known to control blood pressure, serum triglyceride level & cholesterol level. Carrot: Carrots, though taste sweet, have the ability to control blood sugar levels because of high level of antioxidants in them. So include carrots in your diet, especially in salads. Orange: This juicy fruit has cholesterol-lowering ability because of fibre pectin in it and also helps control blood pressure. Almonds: Though all nuts are believed to be nutritious, almonds are considered to be heart healthy. Almonds are rich in vitamin E, calcium, plant sterols, fibre and antioxidants. Almonds help in lowering LDL cholesterol and reducing risk of diabetes. Walnuts: Walnuts are rich in omega 3 fatty acids, monounsaturated fats which help in lowering cholesterol levels.  Oatmeal: Oats are very healthy & help in lowering the bad LDL cholesterol. You can have one bowl of oatmeal mixed in milk along with nuts as breakfast. Flaxseed: This honey coloured shiny seeds contain substances which are heart healthy, such as lignans, ALA and omega 3 fatty acids. It helps in lowering cholesterol level and controlling diabetes. Tofu: It is a type of soybean protein which can be replaced with paneer. Tofu is rich in fibre and polyunsaturated fats which prevent clogging of arteries.  Barley: The fibre in barley is believed to lower cholesterol and blood glucose levels.  Tuna fish: Tuna fish is rich in omega 3 fatty acids which helps in lowering cholesterol levels.  Salmon: It is very good for heart as it is rich in omega 3, EPA and DHA. It lowers and reduces the risk of inflammation in arteries. It is also believed to maintain the ratio of good cholesterol to bad cholesterol. Red wine: Red wine contains catechins and resveratrol, good for heart health.  Black beans: They are a rich source of magnesium which helps in lowering blood pressure. It also contains folate, antioxidants and fibre which is helpful in controlling blood sugar and cholesterol levels. Fresh herbs: If you are hypertensive and want to control your salt intake then try using fresh herbs as a substitute for salt. It also contains antioxidants which are good for heart. Herbs include rosemary, sage, oregano and thyme. Extra virgin olive oil: This is rich in heart-healthy polyphenols & monounsaturated fats. As it's very costly you can use it as a topping for bread or salad. Sweet potatoes: White potatoes are believed to increase glycemic index so you can replace them with sweet potatoes. It is heart healthy as it has low glycemic index and also contains fibre, vitamin A and lycopene. Low fat yoghurt: You can include this in your breakfast safely as it contains calcium & potassium which helps in lowering blood pressure. Dried cherries: They are rich in anthocyanins and antioxidants which help in neutralizing the action of enzymes which cause plaque formation. In winter you should opt for strawberries, blueberries for a healthy heart. Cayenne chili pepper: Your blood sugar normally increases post a meal. By sprinkling cayenne chili pepper over your food can help preventing insulin level spike post meals. Hot cocoa: Coffee helps in patients with type 2 diabetes. Hot cocoa contains antioxidants helpful for heart. Kosher salt:  This is very beneficial for heart patients as it contains half the amount of sodium as compared to table salt and thus helps in controlling high blood pressure.
Some tips to prevent night blindnessHere are some foods and eating tips, which will help improve vision and prevent night blindness: Eat dark green leafy vegetables like spinach and collards. These contain high amount of lutein and zeaxanthin, the nutrients for healthy eyes. Do not smoke. A glass of red wine daily is fine but drinking is not. Stay away from hydrogenated oils, refined carbohydrates and sugars in excess. Always wear sunglasses while going out in bright light to avoid potential sun damage to eyes.  Amber and grey-coloured lenses are effective against ultraviolet rays. See an eye specialist and get prescription glasses for driving at night, if required. Do not ride in dim light at night and see if you can postpone the work until next day. Even good lighting conditions at night even in a big city, can be troublesome to someone with night blindness. Vitamin A rich foods like spinach, carrot, papaya, broccoli, and mangoes should be added to your daily diet. Fish oil is a great source of vitamin A. Cod-liver oil is used as medicine too. Some wild plants are said to be rich in vitamin Abut they are seasonal, available in small quantities and there isn't much known about them. Beans are another fairly common source of vitamin A. These are consumed especially during autumn. Eggs are a good source of vitamin A. Eat eggs daily. People with high cholesterol should, however, limit their egg intake. Hot pepper is contains vitamin A too, but the preservation method, sun-drying, decreases the vitamin A content. Carrots are another good source. They are high in vitamin A and arenot expensive as well.
Diabetes paves the way to cancer!Diabetes mellitus is common across the world. So common, that people don't take it seriously. It appears relatively benign on a day-to-day basis. It is just a sugar level that you notice on the outward. Controlling diabetes means a change in the lifestyle. It is easy to pop in some pills to battle a disease. The difficulty lies in making long-term changes in our daily routine. We tend to get lazy and make excuses for not being able to follow a discipline in lifestyle. This happens more so with diabetes because we do not see an apparent damage that is being done by the high blood sugar. Unless the levels go really high or drop very low, there are no major symptoms that affect our activities from morning to evening. What we are unaware of is that the disease is making some serious damage insidiously. It affects multiple organs and processes. These effects cannot be directly noticed but are continuously ongoing. By the time we wake up, a lot of injury has already occurred. Here is some more bad news. A large number of scientists in all countries are working day and night to study the course of diabetes and bring new facts to light.  Recent researches have established a new link - cancer. Yes, diabetes increases the risk for breast cancer and colon (intestinal) cancer. A woman who has diabetes, is at 20 times more risk for developing breast cancer. Breast cancer A peculiar association of diabetes and breast cancer has come in the picture in the last few years. Factors contributing to these are many - sedentary lifestyle, overweight, rich food, etc. Another important contributor is hormonal imbalance due to diabetes. As a result of high sugar and high insulin in the body, twofold changes occur in the hormonal cycles which ultimately lead to excess estrogen circulation in blood. This, in turn, may act as a trigger for breast cancer. Breast cancer is relatively easy to diagnose. When detected in early stages, treatment has shown remarkable affects. Colon cancer Cancer of the intestine is one of the most common cancers worldwide. Scientists are still working on finding the exact cause but a clear relationship between diabetes and colon cancer has been proven. Patients suffering from high blood sugar have a higher risk of developing intestinal cancer than those with normal blood sugar. Colon cancer is often seen to be fatal and rate of recurrence is quite high. Worldwide several researches have shown a strong connection between diabetes mellitus and occurrence of breast and colon cancer. Suggestions If you have normal blood sugar levels, please put in your best effort to maintain the same. If you are at risk for diabetes because of significant medical history, take extra care and precaution to prevent or delay the onset of the disease. This can be done by regular and adequate exercise, along with the balanced food options. If you have been diagnosed with diabetes, work on your lifestyle to keep the sugar levels in control. Regular check-ups and frequent monitoring of blood sugar levels are a must. If you are a diabetic, please go for periodical screening of related health conditions. Specific to the topic at hand, please get regular breast examinations. Physician recommended and supervised mammograms and colonoscopies would be extremely helpful. Eyes wide open? Now, will you pay attention to all the restrictions advised by your doctor? Please do. Get that lifestyle which is recommended. Compromise on your work and cravings; focus on exercise and eating healthy. Diabetes is not a killer if managed effectively. Don't let cancer get a hold on you.
Is sex linked to self esteem?Man is a curious creature, full of quirks and contradictions. Sexual intercourse, something that most people consider an intimate and private experience, is spoken about in hushed tones and often, with some discomfort. We don't reveal or talk about our sexual desires, as readily we discuss our salary packages or food habits. This is quite ironic seeing how sex is an important gauge for a person's self esteem and also an indicator of his/her social desirability. The very thing that we do under covers, we somehow choose to "keep under cover". The Link between Sex and Self Esteem: Self esteem is an important factor that determines the mental & physical well-being of an individual. All of us have a craving to be understood, liked and appreciated; and these form the equivalent of our basic needs on the inverted pyramid- Food, clothing and shelter. For a human being to flourish and prosper, consumable food, without the mental food of appreciation, is not enough; and sexual intercourse or an intimacy with the opposite sex, is one way of validating that need. Sex therefore, ceases to be just a physical need instilled by nature for the perpetuation of the species, but goes into the larger emotional cum psychological dimension of self actualization and realization. Though some of us might be embarrassed to broach the topic of 'whether or not we are getting enough', the truth is that every human seeks to achieve his sexual potential, even while he or she might, not be aware of it. Most of us have the ability to get the foods matching our taste preferences onto our plates, but with sex, this could be a little difficult, since sex, is a complex subject with a lot of social, moral and religious links. The truth is evident in the number of marriages (the very cornerstones of civil society) that fail on the basis of sexual compatibility, either by setting unrealistic sexual expectations or by not owning up to, or even identifying, one's sexual needs. This has repercussions on the psyche and self-esteem of a person, and this is especially true in the case of men in particular, as they may feel completely inferior for not being able to attract a sexual partner matching his desires. In some people, this also leads to a case of self-loathing, for having sexual needs which a partner doesn't understand, or much worse, needs which are considered taboo and sinful (Homosexuality, Anal Sex, Group Sex, Fetishes, etc.) These complex emotions can wreak  havoc on a person's self-esteem, by creating severe internal conflicts and serious self-doubts. Now socially, sex can either liberate a person, or hold him prisoner. At times, the unfulfilled needs may get repressed and banished to the shadows, only to be played out later, in the form of sexual adventurism and crime. Just one look at the sexual crimes in our society today, and we can clearly understand just how healthy our collective self esteem is! The very society that frowns upon prostitution, is actually responsible for creating it, though everybody would like to pretend otherwise. The crux of the matter is that "sex" and "self esteem" are closely related; and one should not shy away from addressing any issues one might face regarding one's sexuality. Physical love is necessary for the survival of a relationship and one needs to make time and efforts to successfully create one's own sexual space. The positive effects of a good sex life can be seen in an increased work productivity, fewer illnesses and an increase in one's overall efficiency. Some people are haunted by sexual guilt and confusion and when they keep it all locked up, they suffer from unexplained physical pains and feel 'down in the dumps' mentally. Another problem with appreciation from the opposite sex, is the addiction to  external validation. Some people feel utterly worthless until they receive positive feedback about their looks or abilities on a regular basis. This can be downright devastating, as in these cases, there is a great dependence on external factors for one to feel good. While no one denies the "feel good factor" of sexual appreciation, it is up to each one of us, to decide just how much of control one must be giving to external factors, to determine our personal self-esteem. The appreciation may be theirs, but the esteem is entirely of the self and only the self can decide how much of appreciation and sex is enough.
Pulling out - Is it an effective option for contraception?What is the 'Pulling out' method? 'Pulling out', 'Withdrawal' and 'Coitus Interruptus' are all the different names for probably one of the safest methods of contraception. It involves the male partner withdrawing or pulling out his penis just before ejaculation. This ensures that no semen has been ejaculated into the vagina or vulva of the female partner. Since there are no sperms travelling inside, the result is - No Pregnancy! Is this method really effective? Like all methods of contraception, the effectiveness of the pulling out method also depends on how correctly it is done. This method requires a lot of mutual understanding between the partners. The male partner must also exercise great self-control and accuracy in knowing when he will reach the highest point of sexual excitement so he can pull out at the right moment. Statistics have the following things to say Of women whose partners use withdrawal, 4% become pregnant each year if they always do it correctly, and 27% become pregnant each year if they don't always do it correctly. Ejaculating close to the vagina or vulva would mean that the sperms still have a way to travel inside the vagina. At times the pre-ejaculate fluid may also contain a few sperms from the previous ejaculation that may end up causing pregnancy. As a precaution against this, experts suggest the male partner pass urine before the sexual act. Withdrawal method of contraception is the best option for members of religious groups in which using contraceptive devices like pills, condoms or IUDs are a form of sin. Withdrawal method does not protect you from HIV/AIDS and other STDs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this method? Advantages It is simple, safe and convenient. It is the best method when no other contraceptive method is available. It has no side-effects It does not require a medical prescription. It does not alter the menstrual cycle. It does not affect future fertility. Disadvantages Requires great self-control, experience and trust. Not suitable for men who suffer from premature ejaculation Not suitable for teenagers and sexually inexperienced people. Does not ensure protection from sexually transmitted diseases and HIV/AIDS. Less effective than other methods of birth control. May interfere with sexual pleasure due to nervousness and anticipation of pulling out at the right time. The pull out method is thus one of the safest methods of contraception, provided one has a thorough understanding of one's body, trust in the partner and a huge amount of self-control.
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