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  MEN`S HEALTH MORE
Are you ready for the healthy year ahead?
9 ways to become a better dad
Strict parenting: When enough is enoughThe strict or authoritative style of parenting is where the parents hold their children's lives over a tight leash. Strict parents are high in control and low in nurturing qualities. They set high standards for all activities and expect strict obedience to the rules set by them. However, these parents display little or no warmth and affection. They love and affection they offer is also conditional love based on obedience and performance. Children of authoritarian parents turn out to be obedient, but this obedience is based on fear. Such parents very often use shame and guilt to make their children change their behaviour. They don't encourage verbal give-and-take and expect their orders to be obeyed without question. The children brought up in such a way are initially very obedient and polite but later all the suppressed emotions find an outlet. More often than not, such children end up being aggressive and tend to be bullies at school. Research shows that fathers who are extremely strict with their sons end up making their sons violent and aggressive, or indulge in non-physical aggressiveness like name calling. Strictly raised children have difficulty relating to their peer group. They either end up being aggressive or completely timid and submissive. At school teachers rate them as less socially competent, average or poor at studies and extra-curricular activities. They are also less accepted by their friends. The school dropout rates in such children are very high. Studies conducted on such dropouts revealed that they suffered from a huge inferiority complex and low self-esteem. Strict parenting can cause several problems in adolescence too. Children who are dominated by their parents are often found breaking the law. Alcohol and drug abuse rates are high in such children. Psychologically, these children are usually poor decision makers. Having had their parents make decisions for them all their lives, they find it very difficult to take a stand. They end up being indecisive. At the workplace too, they lack the competency to take up initiatives or show the lead. They make better team members than team leaders. Even if presented with an opportunity, they are likely to shy away from responsibility as they feel inferior and lack the requisite courage. Strict parenting can have a negative impact on the child's weight too. Studies show that an overly strict upbringing has a negative impact on weight because the children often fail to learn to eat on the basis of hunger and satiety. In such families parents use food as a reward, insist that children clean their plates, or restrict the kind or amount of food a child can eat. The studies showed that the children of authoritarian mothers were nearly five times as likely to be overweight compared to their counterparts!
Fairness scream: The new male obsession"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?" The words at once evoke images of the evil queen as she strikes a vain pose at the looking glass. However, these days one needs to be more accommodating and make way for a preening gent to put forth the above query. All these days, fairness would be a quality an Indian male would look for in his wife. Just see the Fair & Lovely ads to know what we mean. But today, this very obsession has turned on itself. More and more men are being just as exacting about their own skin color, complexion and tone as their female counterparts. Just take a look at all those TV commercials where celebrity endorsements dangle the bait of fairness creams, lotions and body wash specially designed for teenagers and young men seeking to take them to the promised land of social and sexual success. But before you rush to buy that cream, here's what that fairness is all about Fairness is skin cell deep Fair, ruddy, dark or wheatish is all determined primarily by the melanin content in our skin cells. Some races like the Africans have a high melanin content thereby giving them a dark colour while Europeans are of a lighter skin colour due to low melanin content. So whether you use an expensive fairness cream or go in for beauty treatments at luxurious beauty spas, genetics will have a final say on the matter. How fairness creams work...or do they? Fairness creams contain chemicals which block the production of melanin in the skin and thus enable a lighter skin tone and a fairer complexion. Mostly melanin production in men is more than females, which is why women's fairness creams don't have so much of an effect on men. The cosmetic industry recognized this factor and thus developed products designed for the male skin. However, some of these "men's only" fairness brands are glorified sunblock creams which block the harmful ultra violet radiation of the sun which blackens the skin. The dark side of fair Some of the beauty treatments and fairness creams contain chemicals like hydroquinone, mercury, and even steroids, which could do more harm than good. If you are obsessed about fairness, the least you could do is use a branded product (though that is no guarantee of its efficacy!). First sample it to check of it suits your skin. If a rash breaks out, consult a skin specialist immediately. Finally, it is the health of the skin which is more important than colour. So exercise regularly or use natural skin treatments like orange peels, cucumber patches to enhance your skin tone. Don't give in to peer pressure. The obsession for fairness can lead to low self-esteem and needless rivalry. Cosmetologists and marketers of fairness products are the only ones who will laugh their way to the bank at your cost. So, if you have a darker skin colour you don't have to go in for expensive remedies just because men in your age group find it cool. Self-acceptance is much better remedy than any beauty treatment in the world.  
  WOMEN`S HEALTH MORE
Tips to prevent osteoporosis in women
10 Early signs of pregnancy
Hairy tale: Hirsutism in womenThe condition is called Hirsutism where women grow coarse hair just like males on the face, chest or elsewhere. The primary cause for Hirsutism is hormonal imbalances by the over stimulation or excess production of male hormones (present in minute quantities in females too). The thickness of hair that grows largely depends on our genes and at times Hirsutism in women may be just a hereditary trait rather than an imbalance. Self care and medication can take of it in such a case. Idiopathic Hirsutism is a type of this condition where there is no possible cause for the male type hair growth. These women have regular menstrual cycles and no Androgen excesses, yet they have Hisrutism. Hirsutism with excessive bodily and facial hair, usually in a male pattern, in women may be present in normal adults as an expression of an ethnic characteristic or may develop in children or adults as the result of androgen excess due to tumors, or of non-androgenetic or other drugs. Hirsutism can make its appearance at menopause or soon after as there are a lot of hormonal changes that occur in the female body, and in certain cases women grow hair even on the lip, nipples, abdomen and upper shoulders. And just as men go bald there can also be a receding hairline and baldness in women accompanied by a deepening of the voice and enlargement of the clitoris. If the hair growth occurs at puberty then a doctor's evaluation is most essential as it could be more than just Hirsutism.
What to eat when you breastfeedAlmost everyone around you will advise you to eat a calorie-rich food that will aid in milk production from your body. But did you know that your body is quite capable of producing enough milk from whatever you eat? Your body has stocked up on all the fats during your pregnancy days itself. You don't really need the extra calorie rich food just to produce milk for your baby. However, how much calories you need cannot be predetermined. Let your body determine your needs. Eat as often as you want, as often as you feel hungry, but remember to eat foods that will give your body the nutrients and not just satiate the hunger. Opt for whole grains, pulses, fresh fruits, legumes, fresh vegetables and nuts. Choose natural drinks like buttermilk, coconut water, and fresh juices. Remember that the foods that you choose must nourish your body with proteins, calcium, and iron other than carbohydrates. Dried fruits and nuts like cashews and almonds and walnuts are the traditional foods given to new moms to enhance breast milk confinement. They are a very rich source of calories and definitely improve the quality and quantity of milk. However, keep a bottle of water or some juice nearby when you breastfeed. The body releases oxytocin when you breastfeed and it makes you thirsty. So, have some refreshing drink before you breastfeed. Most new moms are advised to drink lots of water as it aids in breast milk production. However, breast milk production doesn't really need extra water. It is best to avoid alcohol when you are breastfeeding. The amount of alcohol in blood and breast milk reaches its highest level about 30 minutes after you have a drink and it lowers down only after about four hours. Drinking alcohol is not advised when you breastfeed, however, if you feel like having alcohol, do so after you feed your child. Also, wait for a minimum of four hours before you feed next. Ghee is another item that new moms are encouraged to consume for milk production. However, if you are eating a balanced diet there is no real necessity to eat too much of ghee. Avoid aerated drinks, tea, and coffee while you are breastfeeding. Similarly, junk food and foods that are not cooked at home are best avoided. These types of foods fill you up, but provide no real nourishment. Herbal teas are considered safe drinks during breast feeding. However, consult your doctor before you consume any herbal medicines. Do not forget to take your prescribed supplements of iron, folic acid, and calcium regularly during breastfeeding. Your body also needs more amounts of vitamin C, vitamin B12, zinc, and vitamin A. These, you may obtain by eating foods that are rich in them or your doctor might prescribe supplements. Weight gained during pregnancy may be a concern now and you may want to lose it to regain your pre-pregnancy shape. Remember to lose weight gradually with the help of a balanced diet and moderate exercise. Do not starve yourself. Also heavy exercising may release toxins into the bloodstream and breast milk. Keep in mind that you will gain your original weight back only after your baby has completely weaned off breast milk and has started eating solid foods. Breastfeeding is the best option for your baby. It gives your baby everything that it needs and keeps it free of all diseases. Do not shy away from breast milk, do it the right way! Your body is quite capable of producing breast milk from the well-balanced diet that you eat and there is no real need for a calorie-rich food that new moms are fed.
  KIDS CARE MORE
7 Tricks to keep kids away from tv
Tips for teens to lose flab and look fab
Colic among newborns - The riskBaby colic is very common among newborn. What causes the colic? Ingestion of air while breastfeeding. Baby sucking too fast might lead to gastrointestinal pain. Foods eaten by the mother is claimed to upset the immature baby's tummy. Here are some tips to deal with the crying baby: Holding or rocking it in arms can do the trick. Singing a lullaby is effective to put the baby to sleep. Burp the baby every time after breastfeeding. Hunger is expressed by crying. Breastfeed. Loud noises might startle the baby. Prevent making loud sounds. A warm bath soothes some babies. Pacifier does wonders for some babies. Gas pains can be the cause. Use the medicine given by doctor as per his advice. Moms should make changes to what they eat.
A baby - proofed guide to childcareCaring for kids is an important task. Everyone wishes to nourish kids in a loving and caring yet protective atmosphere. Initial stages of development call for more care and attention. Health, hygiene and safety at home and outside are important when it comes to kids. Here are a few helpful tips to all the parents: Nurture your infants with massage. Learn a right way or get it done from a professional. It is a great therapy to make muscles strong and bond with the baby. Prolonged crying bothers parents a lot. Usually continuous crying for long hours is suggestive of colic or stomach ache. It is the most common problem in kids, the reason being immature gastric system. Do not panic. Keep medicines at hand and give them as per instructions by your kid's doctor. Toddlers often insist on being carried even when they know how to walk well. Make sure to hold them comfortably. Diapering a baby is a skill that must be mastered especially when the baby is fidgety. Holding baby in right position flat on the back simplifies the task. Parents adapt to doing the job effortlessly with practice. Transition period of swapping from breastfeed to bottle known as weaning is a tough task for most of the babies. Consider gentle weaning strategies advised by the doctors. Do not be abrupt. Go slow! Some Safety Tips: Cap and lock the medicines, detergents, chemicals etc. in containers keeping them far away from the children. Bathingwater should be always checked before bathing the baby. Do not leave kids alone near water tub or any water source alone. Avoid leaving baby in a highchair to prevent injuries such asbaby climbing out, falling, or sliding. Lock up all the knives, matches, and plastic bags away from children to prevent poisonings, bleeding injuries, burns and suffocation.
  MENTAL HEALTH MORE
Eating disorders
8 Strategies to battle stress
Faking illnesses - An illness in itself?In 2008, a 28 years old woman in the US shared some shocking news with her friends. She had been detected with cancer. She posted updates on social networking sites and wrote blogs on her illness. Sympathy poured in from all corners. Some even sent in monetary help to cover her expenses. The saddest part of the incident though was not her cancer; it was the fact that she had faked it! Police investigations revealed her little trick when no evidences or records were found at the hospitals! Apparently, this isn't a unique case;  faking illnesses or malingering is a very common occurrence. All of us have done it at some point in our lives. While we may have done it to escape a school punishment or to take undue advantage of the office 'sick leaves' for personal purposes, it is usually done on a harmless level. But faking illness can be a chronic disorder too and  medical professionals even have a name for it-; Munchausen's Syndrome. People suffering from this syndrome fake illnesses that they don't actually have, to gain sympathy or simply to be the center of attention. Usually gaining sympathy is the main reason why people fake illnesses. It gives them a chance to be in the spotlight. Everyone calls and visits, expresses concern and fusses over them. Lots of love is showered upon them. Another common reason for faking illnesses, is money and at times, the monetary benefits are higher than the emotional ones. No one hesitates to fulfill the last wish of a dying person, however expensive it may be. Often there are mixed motivations and the person faking an illness has many reasons to keep up the pretense of being sick, for as long as possible. Some people really do have a disease — a mental illness known as a factitious disorder. People with this disorder pretend to have an illness, which is usually a terminal one and often go to great lengths to maintain their hoax. Munchausen syndrome by proxy, is another form of faking illness. People with this disorder, fake illnesses of people under their care; and they usually do this, for monetary benefits. Children are the most common victims in this disease. When you tell someone that your child has cancer, you will receive a great amount of sympathy and all the money you want, no questions asked! People with these disorders are extremely cunning. They go to great extents to maintain their lies. They will build grand stories, complain of fake pains and aches, get admitted to hospitals and undergo a battery of tests, numerous times. Interestingly, they never allow and frequently discourage medical professionals, from talking to any of their family members. Since they know they are faking the illness, they will refuse to undergo treatment, for obvious reasons. . If you think a loved one may be exaggerating or faking their health issues, attempt a gentle conversation, voicing your concerns. Avoid anger, judgment or confrontation, while offering support and care and if possible, help them in finding a treatment. Treatment includes empathy, helping in identifying feelings and issues that led to the development of the disorder and finding  alternative healthy ways to deal with those feelings and issues.
Not very chummy! Menophobia - The fear of periodsMenstruation or periods begin as female reaches puberty. This is the time when there are hormonal changes which occur in the body as nature takes the girl and makes her ready for womanhood. The onset of periods can be distressful with lots of mood swings accompanied by abdominal cramps, bloated feet as the menstrual blood flows. This is also a time when the girl needs to be comforted and educated the most, as it can be truly a terrifying experience. Normally mothers or elder women in the family ensure that they take complete care of the girl in this transition phase. For some women, their initial experience with periods may not have been particularly pleasant, causing them to actually dread those 4 days and this fear can then take the shape of a full blown phobia -Menophobia! The reason could vary. For some the pain factor could be the reason for menophobia, while for others, it could be the memory of embarrassing red stains on the clothes which could set it off. In menophobia, just before the onset of the periods, the person starts getting anticipatory anxiety and the pain which could be normal period pain, is then imagined to be ten times worse. This brings on panic attacks and feeling of utter dread which while is entirely psychological can be utterly distressful and downright crippling. Counseling can help greatly along with pain medication to manage the pain and the fear of this natural phenomenon called periods. In therapy, this is what is iterated. That menstruation is a completely natural process and if there is a fear of menstrual blood then gradually, the woman is encouraged to accept it as a natural body function which plays a major part of her being a woman.
  BEAUTY AND FITNESS MORE
Interesting food facts
Does running after kids count as exercise?
High fiber foods and their benefitsFiber has many health benefits and that is why it is important to include fiber in your diet. However, if you are not used to fiber in your diet then introduce it slowly or it could cause indigestion and gas. Fibers are good for overall health and help to boost the immune system and help prevent a number of diseases. The digestive health benefits of fiber : If bowel movements are regular, then fibers will prevent both constipation and diarrhea. Regular movements flush out excessive cholesterol as well as harmful toxins from the intestines which could also be carcinogenic. Fiber helps to reduce inflammation of the intestines, could bring relief from irritable bowel syndrome and prevent piles, ulcers, and acidity. The benefits to the heart Soluble fiber is good for the heart. Fiber reduces the bad cholesterol levels (LDL). It helps to lower blood pressure, improves the levels of good cholesterol (HDL). Fibers reduce the risk of stroke also. These factors are good for heart heath. Weight Loss Fiber can help you to lose weight as it makes you feel fuller for longer which means you will eat less. High-fiber fruits and vegetables have lower calories, so by adding these to your diet cuts calories which could aid in weight loss. Eat 21 to 38 grams of fiber per day depending on your age and gender. Diabetes If you already suffer from type II diabetes then you should have soluble fiber as it slows down the absorption of sugar and can help to maintain blood sugar levels. Regulating blood sugar can also reduce the risk of kidney and gallbladder stones. Cancer prevention Though research is still ongoing, but the general conclusion is that eating fiber foods keeps the colon in a better condition and this could prevent colon cancer. However, it does prevent digestive tract cancer. The more fiber you eat the more fluids you should drink as that helps to absorb fiber better. Good for the skin Eating fiber is good for the skin as they help to flush out toxins from your body which otherwise cause acne. Besides eating a lot of fruits and vegetables produce antioxidants that are good for your skin. Some tips Start your day with fiber as it keeps you full and sugar levels just right to keep you energetic. Try to replace white rice, bread, and pasta with brown rice and whole grain products. Eat seeds, nuts, and flaxseeds either whole or ground and sprinkle some on fruit, yoghurt, or cereal. Add beans and legumes to your diet as often as possible. Eat whole fruits instead of juice. Insoluble fiber can be found in foods like whole grains, wheat, cereals, and vegetables such as carrots, celery, and tomatoes. Whereas soluble fibers are found in barley, oatmeal, beans, nuts, and fruits such as apples, berries, citrus fruits, and pears. Foods like meat, dairy, and sugar have no fiber and some foods like white rice, white bread, and pastries have no fiber either because it has got removed because of refining.
10 Makeup myths bustedMyth 1: You do not need Primers if you have evenly applied foundation and moisturized your skin well. Fact: Primers are basically used to fill your fine lines, reduce the visibility of your pores and keep your foundation looking fresh and radiant, for longer. With age, your skin develops its natural flaws and the use of primers becomes mandatory. For best results, use your primer after moisturizing your facial skin and before applying your foundation. Myth 2: Red Lipstick does not look good on everyone. Fact: Generally, red can look good on everyone. The trick is to find the right shade of red that suits  your particular skin tone. However, to play it safe you may start using red lip colors with blue undertones, as they look good almost on everyone. But remember, learning to apply lipstick the right way, is just as important for the right effect. With just a little patience and practice, you can surely achieve those red hot lips, you've always dreamt of. Myth 3: Foundation should match your cheek, hand, neck or forehead. Fact: Getting the perfect shade of foundation is one of the toughest tasks, while choosing your makeup products. Your facial skin is much lighter than your hands; yet at the same time, it's a tad bit darker on the sides and forehead. Hence, the best way to select a foundation is to check the stripes on your jawline. But, always remember to step out into the natural light while making this crucial decision. Myth 4: You can change the lip-size using lip plumper. Fact: Ok Ladies, a lip plumper will definitely not change the size of your lips. The way they work is that they give your lips a swollen appearance, by stimulating the blood flow and irritating the lips. The main ingredients in a lip plumper are hot pepper, menthol, caffeine and cinnamon which results in the temporary pronounced pout, which soon wears off. Myth 5: Pumping the Mascara eliminates Clumps. Fact: If you pump your mascara tube, you're actually pumping in more air, due to which the mascara solution dries out quickly and allows germs to breed in your mascara. The best way to eliminate clumps is to rotate the brush inside the mascara tube and then wipe it down with a tissue, before application. Myth 6: Never wear an eye shadow matching the color of your eyes. Fact: It is true that if you use contrasting colors, your eyes will pop and look bolder. However, this does not mean that if you have brown eyes, you avoid your favorite brown eye shadow. Myth 7: Choose a concealer that is lighter than the foundation. Fact: Every woman has a different skin tone and depending upon your skin tone, you might need more or less, foundation coverage. So, it is always better to choose a concealer that comes closest to the shade of your foundation. Myth 8: Always choose a foundation that is lighter in color compared to your skin tone. Fact: If you choose a shade of foundation lighter than your skin tone, after a while your face will start showing two different skin shades. Always, test the foundation on your jaw line and if it blends in seamlessly with your skin tone, that's definitely the right shade for you. Myth 9:  Makeup leads to acne. Fact: No research, until date, has conclusively proved that makeup causes acne. Poor hygiene, sleeping with your makeup on, not cleaning your makeup brushes regularly, and using the products beyond their date of expiry is what leads to breakouts on the skin. New products may also cause skin irritation; which is why, it is better to test them on your elbow, before using them directly on your facial skin. Myth 10: Tingling makeup products are perfectly fine. Fact: Makeup products that make your skin tingle are sure to damage your skin and cause injury. It may also lead to bacterial infections and pimples, so you should certainly avoid such products. You should never compromise on the quality of makeup products, or else your skin may have to suffer the side effects.
  LIFESTYLE PROBLEMS MORE
Top 5 reasons for foot pain and tips to fix them!
Rest those restless legs
Diabetes paves the way to cancer!Diabetes mellitus is common across the world. So common, that people don't take it seriously. It appears relatively benign on a day-to-day basis. It is just a sugar level that you notice on the outward. Controlling diabetes means a change in the lifestyle. It is easy to pop in some pills to battle a disease. The difficulty lies in making long-term changes in our daily routine. We tend to get lazy and make excuses for not being able to follow a discipline in lifestyle. This happens more so with diabetes because we do not see an apparent damage that is being done by the high blood sugar. Unless the levels go really high or drop very low, there are no major symptoms that affect our activities from morning to evening. What we are unaware of is that the disease is making some serious damage insidiously. It affects multiple organs and processes. These effects cannot be directly noticed but are continuously ongoing. By the time we wake up, a lot of injury has already occurred. Here is some more bad news. A large number of scientists in all countries are working day and night to study the course of diabetes and bring new facts to light.  Recent researches have established a new link - cancer. Yes, diabetes increases the risk for breast cancer and colon (intestinal) cancer. A woman who has diabetes, is at 20 times more risk for developing breast cancer. Breast cancer A peculiar association of diabetes and breast cancer has come in the picture in the last few years. Factors contributing to these are many - sedentary lifestyle, overweight, rich food, etc. Another important contributor is hormonal imbalance due to diabetes. As a result of high sugar and high insulin in the body, twofold changes occur in the hormonal cycles which ultimately lead to excess estrogen circulation in blood. This, in turn, may act as a trigger for breast cancer. Breast cancer is relatively easy to diagnose. When detected in early stages, treatment has shown remarkable affects. Colon cancer Cancer of the intestine is one of the most common cancers worldwide. Scientists are still working on finding the exact cause but a clear relationship between diabetes and colon cancer has been proven. Patients suffering from high blood sugar have a higher risk of developing intestinal cancer than those with normal blood sugar. Colon cancer is often seen to be fatal and rate of recurrence is quite high. Worldwide several researches have shown a strong connection between diabetes mellitus and occurrence of breast and colon cancer. Suggestions If you have normal blood sugar levels, please put in your best effort to maintain the same. If you are at risk for diabetes because of significant medical history, take extra care and precaution to prevent or delay the onset of the disease. This can be done by regular and adequate exercise, along with the balanced food options. If you have been diagnosed with diabetes, work on your lifestyle to keep the sugar levels in control. Regular check-ups and frequent monitoring of blood sugar levels are a must. If you are a diabetic, please go for periodical screening of related health conditions. Specific to the topic at hand, please get regular breast examinations. Physician recommended and supervised mammograms and colonoscopies would be extremely helpful. Eyes wide open? Now, will you pay attention to all the restrictions advised by your doctor? Please do. Get that lifestyle which is recommended. Compromise on your work and cravings; focus on exercise and eating healthy. Diabetes is not a killer if managed effectively. Don't let cancer get a hold on you.
Flash the pearliesRemember the lines from the song, Words? Smile an everlasting smile, a smile can bring you near to me.  Well, ideally, you wouldn't want your teeth to be yellow when you flash that smile. So for those who have shades of yellow on their teeth, here's how you can go back to white. It's first important to understand what causes yellowing of the teeth. Eating habits: Carbonated drinks dissolve teeth enamel. Tea, coffee and other caffeinated drink stain the teeth yellow.In addition, alcohol and cigarette smoking too can stain teeth. Tobacco chewing especially produces stains that are difficult to remove.Food rich in artificial sweeteners are harmful for teeth. They not only make the teeth yellow but also produce cavities. Chocolates, pastries, ice-creams and all such sugar-rich foods are sticky. They stick to teeth and have corroding effect on tooth enamel and dentin and cause yellow teeth, decay and toothache. Oral hygiene: Poor hygiene of oral cavity leads to stains and caries. Take good care of your teeth. Brush teeth twice. Floss them and use a mouthwash. Ageing: Gradual loss of enamel and wear and tear lead to yellow teeth. Medicines: Medicines like iron tablets, tetracycline too can lead to yellow teeth. Injury: Trauma to teeth can sometimes lead to yellowing. This is common amongst kids. Preventing yellowing of teeth Maintain a good dental hygiene. Brush twice for atleast 3-4 minutes. But be gentle while brushing teeth. Gargle every time after you eat.This removes the leftover food particles and keeps the teeth clean. Avoid use of local powders or corrosive substances. They damage enamel. Fruits like apple, cucumber, and carrot act like cleansing agents and keep teeth clean. Fruits like sweet lime are rich in vitamin C and help to keep gums and teeth healthy.
  Sexual Health MORE
15 Fun facts about sex you surely don\'t know!
5 Benefits of masturbation
Reasons for skipping sexThe most important satisfaction brick in a marriage's foundation, sex is where we show the greatest trust, most openly express intimacy and make ourselves most vulnerable. It is the most personal and private area of our relationship. It is the one area that separates this relationship from all others. Yet, there are times for both husbands and wives when sex becomes a burden and not a blessing, an inconvenience instead of intimacy, and a job instead of jubilee. Curious as to why people might be skipping sex? This is only a partial list and far from exhaustive. Reasons related to your body: I have a migraine. I have a stomachache. My body is too tired. My breasts are too sore. I am too sleepy. I can't keep my eyes open. I just need to take a little nap first. Okay, but I have a rash. Okay, but I have several weird looking cold sores. Reasons related to your emotions: I am depressed. I am worried. I am sad. Cry Reasons related to your kids: The kids are still up. We might wake up the kids. I just had a baby. This baby is wearing me out. Reasons related to your experts: My therapist said I need to give myself some time. My counselor said I should create some boundaries. I have to see my Gynecologist tomorrow. The Doctor gave me these sleeping pills for stress and I just took one. Reasons related to your spouse: Who was that girl / guy you were talking to on the phone? Sex, Sex, Sex All you ever want is sex! Why can't you just hold me? You should have asked in a more romantic way! Why do you have to use such crude language? Reasons related to your weather: It's just too hot. It's just too cold. It's too humid. Reasons related to your economy: When the economy improves. When the interest rates go down. When inflation goes down Reasons related to your special circumstances: We just got back from vacation! When I lose 20 kgs. Reasons related to your friends: I need to make a call first. My friend said they only do it once a month. Reasons related to your pets: The dog can see us. The cat is on the bed. Reasons related to your finances: Okay, but first we need to talk about the bills. Why did you charge this hotel room on our credit card? Reasons related to your job or boss: I have to get up early tomorrow. I was up all night last night. I had a long day at work today. The boss just gave me a new project and I have a lot of work to do Reasons related to your religion: Doesn't the Bible warn against having too much sex. I am sorry, but I just took a vow. I am giving up sex for Lent. Reasons related to your in-laws: We are in your parent's house. I have not been able to concentrate since your mother Your parents will hear us. Offer an alternative: Can I just take care of you in the shower? Okay, but you have to drive the kids to school in the morning. Use evasive tactics: Sneak in and go to sleep early. Okay, but let's watch this movie first. It's just too late. I'll be there in a minute. (Take an hour) Can we just cuddle? I just need you to hold me. Ask a sensitive question: Did you go to the bank and make our deposit today? Have you seen the kid's report cards? Wait for your spouse to tease you and then say coldly, well, you just lost whatever you were going to get tonight.
Is sex linked to self esteem?Man is a curious creature, full of quirks and contradictions. Sexual intercourse, something that most people consider an intimate and private experience, is spoken about in hushed tones and often, with some discomfort. We don't reveal or talk about our sexual desires, as readily we discuss our salary packages or food habits. This is quite ironic seeing how sex is an important gauge for a person's self esteem and also an indicator of his/her social desirability. The very thing that we do under covers, we somehow choose to "keep under cover". The Link between Sex and Self Esteem: Self esteem is an important factor that determines the mental & physical well-being of an individual. All of us have a craving to be understood, liked and appreciated; and these form the equivalent of our basic needs on the inverted pyramid- Food, clothing and shelter. For a human being to flourish and prosper, consumable food, without the mental food of appreciation, is not enough; and sexual intercourse or an intimacy with the opposite sex, is one way of validating that need. Sex therefore, ceases to be just a physical need instilled by nature for the perpetuation of the species, but goes into the larger emotional cum psychological dimension of self actualization and realization. Though some of us might be embarrassed to broach the topic of 'whether or not we are getting enough', the truth is that every human seeks to achieve his sexual potential, even while he or she might, not be aware of it. Most of us have the ability to get the foods matching our taste preferences onto our plates, but with sex, this could be a little difficult, since sex, is a complex subject with a lot of social, moral and religious links. The truth is evident in the number of marriages (the very cornerstones of civil society) that fail on the basis of sexual compatibility, either by setting unrealistic sexual expectations or by not owning up to, or even identifying, one's sexual needs. This has repercussions on the psyche and self-esteem of a person, and this is especially true in the case of men in particular, as they may feel completely inferior for not being able to attract a sexual partner matching his desires. In some people, this also leads to a case of self-loathing, for having sexual needs which a partner doesn't understand, or much worse, needs which are considered taboo and sinful (Homosexuality, Anal Sex, Group Sex, Fetishes, etc.) These complex emotions can wreak  havoc on a person's self-esteem, by creating severe internal conflicts and serious self-doubts. Now socially, sex can either liberate a person, or hold him prisoner. At times, the unfulfilled needs may get repressed and banished to the shadows, only to be played out later, in the form of sexual adventurism and crime. Just one look at the sexual crimes in our society today, and we can clearly understand just how healthy our collective self esteem is! The very society that frowns upon prostitution, is actually responsible for creating it, though everybody would like to pretend otherwise. The crux of the matter is that "sex" and "self esteem" are closely related; and one should not shy away from addressing any issues one might face regarding one's sexuality. Physical love is necessary for the survival of a relationship and one needs to make time and efforts to successfully create one's own sexual space. The positive effects of a good sex life can be seen in an increased work productivity, fewer illnesses and an increase in one's overall efficiency. Some people are haunted by sexual guilt and confusion and when they keep it all locked up, they suffer from unexplained physical pains and feel 'down in the dumps' mentally. Another problem with appreciation from the opposite sex, is the addiction to  external validation. Some people feel utterly worthless until they receive positive feedback about their looks or abilities on a regular basis. This can be downright devastating, as in these cases, there is a great dependence on external factors for one to feel good. While no one denies the "feel good factor" of sexual appreciation, it is up to each one of us, to decide just how much of control one must be giving to external factors, to determine our personal self-esteem. The appreciation may be theirs, but the esteem is entirely of the self and only the self can decide how much of appreciation and sex is enough.
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