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Aging milestonesChanges in old age depends on attitude as much as person to person. In young old age some changes begin to take place in a person’s appearance. Wrinkles, warts, age spots begin to form on the body. Hair begins to thin or becomes grey and even height lessens because the bone density decreases. While in ‘old‘ old age these changes are already permanent. Men might look distinguished if in good health, but women all look grandmotherly. In ‘young’ old age, cells begin to decay and muscle mass declines and immunity is no longer as strong as it used to be. People lose energy as the age progresses.  ‘Old’ old age brings in a lot of physical decline, profound changes in appearance and motor abilities, as also in sensation. Skin gets less elastic and becomes thin and blood vessels can break under the skin. The senses also begin to become dull. Eye lenses get affected and color perception and reading ability becomes very low. Hearing loss may lead to paranoia and ‘old’ old age people begin to think everyone is plotting against them because they can’t hear properly about what others are saying. Sense of smell also declines, but the taste remains almost intact. In ‘young’ old age, reflexes also slow down and so do the motor abilities. By the time they reach ‘old‘ old age most adults find that their response time has become quite reduced. This can be seen most in driving situations where it is difficult for ‘old‘ old aged adults to operate their vehicles as they have poor spontaneous responses. The ‘young’ old adults do not lose as much of their motor abilities as the ‘old‘ old adults, especially when holding small things like needles and pins. Of course, there are changes in sexuality and there may be a decline in the ability to have sex as men may not have an erection and women become dry due to lack of female hormones. Cognitive decline in 40% to 60% of older adults can be arrested with remedial training. Despite all the changes, most people even in their 70s remain comparatively active if they do not suffer any illness. Mental, physical, and social activity is necessary to maintain the quality of life. Old people begin to withdraw from work and other important roles and allow the younger people to take over. They are a lot happier as is also advised in Vedic literature as vridhashram. While activities are important, disengagement is equally important. Memory loss becomes aggravated and other cognitive abilities begin to decline and there are many ‘old‘ old adults who get Alzheimer’s and lose the ability to look after themselves. Old people also dwell on questions of death and sometimes go through a phase of denial and then anger that they have so little time left. Acceptance of death comes, but after a struggle and the idea of losing the family saddens them. Old people require support in their declining years as they begin to lose their faculties.
Handling post retirement bluesYou have given the best years of your life to your career, and now it's time to say goodbye and get ready for the retired life. It is a phase laden with expectations of all things you were too busy to do while working - spending more time with family, going on that fishing expedition, or going on leisure trips around the world. However, despite the wonderful things to come, retirement can get unusually trying and mentally taxing. After all, how many of us really have the flexibility of mind to take this period as a challenge and be the master of our destinies? Just because you are retired doesn't mean you have to wither away and wait for death to claim you. So, here's what you can do to beat the retirement blues Catching up: This is really a bewildering time, as you have a lot of catching up to do, with a lot of things. Prioritize the things you want to do and proceed confidently. You may want to spend time with children, spouse, friends, etc. Go easy on yourself, as you may not be able to fit in as many things in your schedule all at the same time. Boost your self-esteem: Retirement is particularly trying for those who have occupied important positions in office. Such people are known to throw tantrums, as they feel less wanted than before. So don't ever make the mistake of treating your family like you treated subordinates at work. That was a role that you played then, and without reducing your importance or self-esteem you can now play a different role with your family as a friend, philosopher and guide. In fact, you can use your contacts and keep the old network alive by involving youth in your field of expertise and help them benefit from you. Catch up on exercise: The more physically fit you are the less likely that retirement will be a painful process. Perfect time for you to catch up on the fun times with your spouse to remind you of all the great times you have had all these years. If your spouse is not in the best of health then just being together is such a wonderful experience in the golden years. Financial health: Your peace of mind and self-esteem largely depend on how independent you are financially. You can take up a part time job or think of innovative ways to let your hobbies and interests generate money for you. This should be an enjoyable process by which your self-esteem can really benefit. Support groups: There are informal or formal associations of retired people that do various activities like travelling. Make yourself available to them. Sometimes retired people withdraw into a shell and that only makes things worse. These support groups give a fresh perspective on all things in life.
Pregnancy and HIVMothers with higher level of viral load have been found to deliver infected babies. However, no amount of viral load can be safe as infections can occur any time during pregnancy. A high level of precaution is necessary during this phase. Mostly infection occurs during delivery but that's not the only way through which it can spread. HIV-infected mothers should not breast-feed, as virus can transmit through breast milk too. Antiretroviral medications are used to reduce chances of transmission of HIV. Keeping delivery time shorter can reduce the risk of transmission. Most of the times babies born to positive mothers are positive for HIV. Babies infected with HIV will have antibodies made in their system and will continue to test positive. But if babies aren't infected, the mother's antibodies in baby's blood will eventually disappear and babies will test negative after about one to one and half year. HIV positive women should consider possible problems with antiretroviral medications for HIV before getting pregnant. Talk to the doctor about choice, indications, and contraindications of these drugs. There's a risk of missing doses due to nausea and vomiting during early pregnancy, hence giving HIV a chance to develop resistance. Some doctors prefer the practice of stopping or modifying medications during pregnancy to lower the risk of birth defects. Short course of treatments can help eliminate or reduce risk of transmitting HIV to a newborn; but, short treatments increase the risk of resistance to the drugs used too. There is a risk of birth defects due to antiretroviral drugs during the first 3 months of pregnancy. Pregnancy does not worsen mother's HIV disease, but any HIV positive woman planning to get pregnant should discuss treatment options thoroughly and all the pros and cons with her doctor.   
The post-delivery bluesA baby being born is cause for celebration. Especially in a country like India, where the family ties tend to be close, there is a festive atmosphere at home. However, sometimes the mothers may not share the same enthusiasm. This wave of negative emotions in the middle of what is clearly a happy occasion can be confusing for the new mother. Interestingly these feelings are not abnormal, as many new moms face postpartum depression, which is also called baby blues. It is an emotional reaction that begins a few days after delivery and lasts not more than 2 weeks. What are the symptoms of postpartum depression? Feelings of anger or irritability. Lack of interest in the baby. Lack of appetite and sleep disturbance. Crying and sadness. Irritability or hypersensitivity. Feelings of guilt, shame or hopelessness. Loss of interest, joy or pleasure in the things you used to enjoy. Possible thoughts of harming the baby or yourself. What are the causes of postpartum depression? Postpartum depression can occur due to a combination of factors. Hormonal changes: Changes in the level of hormones can leave you feeling tired, sluggish and depressed. Changes in your blood volume, blood pressure, immune system and metabolism can contribute to fatigue and mood swings. Emotional factors: Feeling overwhelmed with the new arrival in the family, and taking care of the baby day and night, may leave you sleep deprived, overexerted, and anxious. New mothers also feel that they look less attractive after pregnancy. You may feel that people around you are concerned with the baby more than you, and that you are being neglected. All these emotional factors may lead to postpartum depression. Other factors: Issues like breast feeding, financial strain, and relationship troubles can also contribute to postpartum depression. How does one deal with postpartum depression? Take complete rest and sleep for sufficient hours Spend quality time with your husband Go for healthy diet Take morning or evening walk for fresh air Try to follow yoga or other exercises Share your feelings with your husband or friends Do not overexert Join some groups for new moms Go for individual therapy or counsellors Remember, postpartum depression is not an incurable problem. It is just a temporary state of mind, which can be overcome if you are sufficiently aware of the problem.                
Tips and tricks to deal with my toddler's tantrumsWhen your child is having a tantrum, it may usually be for something that it wants and cannot have. Throwing a tantrum is a child's way of getting what it wants. Conversely, giving in to the child's demands may be the easy way out for the parents too. But always remember that giving in is not right. The child may get habituated to this and it may prove quite a nuisance to you too. Learn to say no, gently but firmly. Giving an acceptable reason for your 'no' and also an option at the same time works wonders. All said and done, children are not that easy to handle. If your child doesn't fall in line and is adamant, let it pass the phase. Screaming out the rage, throwing away things may help the child. When the anger subsides, looking at the destruction and the obvious uselessness of it may help the child realize his efforts were futile. But be careful that the child doesn't get physically hurt in this process. For some kids, a gentle hug helps soothe the anger pent up. Tantrums in public places can be extremely embarrassing. In such situations, do not argue or scold your child or order him to hush up. It will only end up making the child more adamant. Wait till the storm subsides. Take him out to a quieter place and talk gently but firmly. One thing to remember here is to never let the child know of your embarrassment and concern that you are in a public place. Children are very smart and may end up using this to work things in their favour. It is not easy being a toddler and it is definitely not easy being a toddler's parent either. By the time your toddler is old enough to go school he will have overcome this stage.  
Faking illnesses - An illness in itself?In 2008, a 28 years old woman in the US shared some shocking news with her friends. She had been detected with cancer. She posted updates on social networking sites and wrote blogs on her illness. Sympathy poured in from all corners. Some even sent in monetary help to cover her expenses. The saddest part of the incident though was not her cancer; it was the fact that she had faked it! Police investigations revealed her little trick when no evidences or records were found at the hospitals! Apparently, this isn't a unique case;  faking illnesses or malingering is a very common occurrence. All of us have done it at some point in our lives. While we may have done it to escape a school punishment or to take undue advantage of the office 'sick leaves' for personal purposes, it is usually done on a harmless level. But faking illness can be a chronic disorder too and  medical professionals even have a name for it-; Munchausen's Syndrome. People suffering from this syndrome fake illnesses that they don't actually have, to gain sympathy or simply to be the center of attention. Usually gaining sympathy is the main reason why people fake illnesses. It gives them a chance to be in the spotlight. Everyone calls and visits, expresses concern and fusses over them. Lots of love is showered upon them. Another common reason for faking illnesses, is money and at times, the monetary benefits are higher than the emotional ones. No one hesitates to fulfill the last wish of a dying person, however expensive it may be. Often there are mixed motivations and the person faking an illness has many reasons to keep up the pretense of being sick, for as long as possible. Some people really do have a disease — a mental illness known as a factitious disorder. People with this disorder pretend to have an illness, which is usually a terminal one and often go to great lengths to maintain their hoax. Munchausen syndrome by proxy, is another form of faking illness. People with this disorder, fake illnesses of people under their care; and they usually do this, for monetary benefits. Children are the most common victims in this disease. When you tell someone that your child has cancer, you will receive a great amount of sympathy and all the money you want, no questions asked! People with these disorders are extremely cunning. They go to great extents to maintain their lies. They will build grand stories, complain of fake pains and aches, get admitted to hospitals and undergo a battery of tests, numerous times. Interestingly, they never allow and frequently discourage medical professionals, from talking to any of their family members. Since they know they are faking the illness, they will refuse to undergo treatment, for obvious reasons. . If you think a loved one may be exaggerating or faking their health issues, attempt a gentle conversation, voicing your concerns. Avoid anger, judgment or confrontation, while offering support and care and if possible, help them in finding a treatment. Treatment includes empathy, helping in identifying feelings and issues that led to the development of the disorder and finding  alternative healthy ways to deal with those feelings and issues.
What is megalomania?Bertrand Russell's quote on megalomania perfectly describes the condition:"The megalomaniac differs from the narcissist by the fact that he wishes to be powerful rather than charming, and seeks to be feared rather than loved. To this type belong many lunatics and most of the great men of history." Megalomania is a delusional bipolar disorder. The sufferer believes he is an all-powerful person and that he is superior to all other people. Megalomania comes from the Greek words megalo which means large or great and mania which means madness. It is a psychopathological disorder that has delusional fantasies of power, exaggerated self esteem and a sense of omnipotence. The sufferer may believe he is God or some famous athlete. Although megalomania is a term used for power hungry people, it is clinically described under the mental disorder of narcissism. Narcissism is self-love. Though self-love is a healthy concept, narcissism is a pathological state where one loves oneself to the extent that he starts despising others. Megalomania is caused by certain phobias and mental conditions associated with emotions and personality. In everyday life, megalomania can be a person's mental way of reacting to frustration, abandonment or some serious loss. In the social world, the term megalomaniac is often synonymous with control freaks, power-drunk army generals, executives and politicians. The treatment of megalomania includes medications. The challenge here is that the person may not believe he has anything wrong with him. He, in fact, believes that he is so great that no harm can come to him, so talking him into getting himself treated is very difficult. Adolf Hitler, the German dictator, was a power-hungry control freak. He believed that he was the supreme commander and that his race was the only race suited to inhabit earth. All other races, especially Jews, were inferior and had to be wiped off the face of the earth. Adolf Hitler was megalomaniac.
Exercise, a healthy way to deal with hypertensionYou have not exercised for a long time. You took it easy when it came to physical activity. Now that you are diagnosed with high blood pressure, you will do anything to control it. Even exercise! Exercise, weight management, and a healthy diet are important ways to help prevent high blood pressure and lower the blood pressure that is already high. Benefits of exercise for people with hypertension include: Improve blood and oxygen circulation in the body Promotes sound sleep Improves stamina and endurance Keeps heart healthy Reduces stress and promotes mental health Exercise enhances the effectiveness of medication So how much should one exercise? An exercise session of atleast 30 minutes per day is important. Get started Start slowly and increase gradually. Start with 10 to 15 minutes of exercise and increase it, as youget comfortable. Choose exercises you enjoy and will do consistently. Avoid sudden vigorous activities; they can cause injuries and hamper the routine. Warm up Warming up helps the body adjust slowly from rest to exercise. A warm-up will reduce stress on the body muscles, increase heart rate and respiratory rate, and body temperature slowly. It will also decrease soreness of muscles. Best exercises for lowering blood pressure Stretching: It is the best. It relaxes and helps prepare the body and muscles for activity and prevents injury and muscle strain. Stretching regularly will make you flexible and improve motility. Aerobic exercise: This helps to improve circulation to the entire body. It improves heart function. It gives maximum benefits to the heart. They also help to reduce heart rate and blood pressure by improving breathing pattern thus lowering blood pressure. Walking, swimming, jogging, and skipping are all aerobic activities. Do aerobics for at least 30 minutes three times a week. Strengthening exercises: These include exercises that have repeated muscle contractions till the muscles are tired. These include side balance crunch, climbing a rope, and push-ups. Join a gym. Here are some  exercise guidelines for a better exercising routine in the gym:  Schedule a fixed time for exercise. Find a buddy to exercise with you. Select an exercise that you like. Make variations to avoid getting bored. Boredom can make you stop exercising. Start slowly and increase gradually, especially if you do not exercise regularly. You should wait for an hour after eating before you exercise. Ten minutes of warm up and ten minutes of cool down sessions are must Keep a record of daily exercise.
Top 10 tips for weight maintenanceTIP 1: Stay Calm and PlanDon't worry about your weight excessively. This will only result in stress which can be counter-productive to your pursuit. Remember that you have reached the goal you had to and you are strong enough to sustain it. Take one day at a time. Do not think about how you are going to keep it forever. Just focus on the next day. TIP 2: Health JournalKeep a journal where you note down your eating and exercising patterns. Write down what you eat, plan your meals, drink adequate water, and form an exercise regime. Did you know that you can include an activity within your life as a habit by performing it for 21 days? Do these things not because you have to but because they are good for your health. Slowly, they will become a part of who you are. TIP 3: Being Healthy Is A Lifetime DealOne of the greatest mistakes that people do is to think that once they have lost weight, they can return to their early eating habits. Remember that your health is with you for life. Shift your perspective from 'I have to become thin' to 'I have to be healthy.' Once you do this, you will find it easier to stay healthy for the well-being of your body. TIP 4: Be RealisticWhen you are planning your lifestyle, don't take up unrealistic goals. This is one of the reasons why weight-trainers say that the best way to reduce and sustain right weight is to make it 'your life.' Eat right, sleep well, and drink lots of water. These three, if done properly, can help you to have the right body weight. If you have any rules like 'don't eat cake or pastries ever,' 'quit drinking,' then rethink about them. Are you going to be able to never eat sweets? The primary goal is to make a balance, choose the middle path. TIP 5: Get An Idea Of Your Weight-PatternMany people stop weighing their body once they have reached the ideal weight. They think that the scales are only for the fat ones. A person with such a perspective is only looking for slim bodies and not healthy ones. Remember that your weight is not a judgment of your appearance, but a barometer of your health. So do not stop doing the weekly weight checks. Keep a report of your weight every week and check out the causes for any abnormal changes. TIP 6: Accept Your Limitations And Learn From ThemEveryone has their ups and downs. Don't get discouraged and be angry at yourself if you binged on a donut on a cloudy day. Everyone makes mistakes. It is not the end of your weight maintenance. It is simply a blip. Learn from it. Know what the causes are for it and work on making sure you react to the cause differently next time. TIP 7: Thirst And HungerYour body could confuse your thirst for hunger. So, if you are feeling hungry really soon after your previous meal, then start by drinking a glass of water and check if you feel better. If you do not, then it is time for a light healthy snack. TIP 8: Inspire YourselfWeight maintenance is primarily a psychological task. Till the time you were reaching the ideal weight, you learn everything you had to about being healthy. Now, you have to make sure you don't let obstructions stop you from sustaining this healthy lifestyle. So, join other people who are only in the process of maintaining their weight. Become part of the running blub or catch up with a health conscious friend regularly. TIP 9: Mind Over MatterBalance your eating patterns. If you think that you will be going out for lunch, then have a healthy breakfast and cut down on the dinner. You might be craving for a dessert, so you can have salad for the main course and treat your sweet tooth. Talk to yourself about what you are going to eat. Ask yourself if you really want to eat it because you are hungry or are there any other reasons for it. How would you feel about it after you are done eating? TIP 10: Celebrate Your AchievementsLastly, be proud of your weight maintenance program. Celebrate the fact that you worked hard towards making sure you have a healthy body and invite people who were part of your pursuit. Embrace your body and toast to the next year of a healthy lifestyle.
Dos and don s during heat crampsHeat cramps can affect people who exercise or work in the heat. It could be due to dehydration, so if you are going to be active in the heat then you need to drink a lot of water even if you are not thirsty. Before going out, find out what the temperature is and do not exercise outdoors in the heat. Heat cramps may not be as serious as heat exhaustion or heat stroke, but the condition needs to be treated with the same urgency. People who are on low-sodium diets may be affected more than others. Heat cramps may seem mild, but they can be the first sign of heat exhaustion, so pay attention and stop all activity, and rest. Here is what you can do and what you should avoid if you suffer from heat cramps: Dos : If you have muscle spasms and the muscles are unable to function properly, then immediately stop all activity. Get inside a room or go into the shade and take some rest. Raise the feet to 12 inches above the body. Gently massage and stretch the muscles. Wet a paper towel or handkerchief and drape it around your face, at the back of your neck and underarms. Drink a clear natural juice or a sports drink to get the electrolyte balance back. Do not go out in the sun again even if the spasms have subsided. If the cramps last more than an hour then go to a doctor. If you are on a low-sodium diet then tell the doctor about it. Don s : Don take any painkillers or fever tablets as they could cause harm. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and sugary soda drinks. Don rub alcohol on the muscles. Don drink ice cold drinks as they can cause stomach cramping. Don take salt tablets unless the doctor has prescribed them. Don do your full quota of exercises if the heat is getting on to you. Don stop drinking water even if you do not feel thirsty. Don resume any strenuous activity for several hours after a heat cramp. Prevention:Prevention is always better, so it’s a good idea to reduce exercise in the summer, especially when it is extremely hot. If people are working outside, like construction workers, then they must take more breaks, keep their heads covered and sip on water after every 10 minutes to prevent heat cramps. Always plan ahead and get acclimatized if you know you have to do a physical activity in the heat that could cause sweating. If you are an athlete, then do take a mix of sports drink, water, and juices to maintain the electrolyte balance. Always carry water with you if you are playing any sport in the heat. All events must be planned at a time when the heat is bearable and not when it is too hot. Keep a close watch on the person if there are signs of vomiting and nausea along with flushed skin. Rush them to the hospital.
Easy tips for fresh breathBrushing your teeth twice daily is not enough for fresh breath. How well you brush, and how long you brush are equally important, as are flossing regularly and eating right. 19 year-old Rita suffers from bad breath. It is a huge drawback for her. No one at college wants to be her friend. Her doctor suggested that she brushes twice daily, and also prescribed a good mouth wash for her. Following this advice has not helped her much. There must be millions of us who identify with Rita's problem. Halitosis, or bad breath, is a huge embarrassment not only for the person who has it, but also for the person who has to bear it. It can be a cause of social isolation, as seen in Rita's case. A fresh smelling breath is a sign of good hygiene. A fresh breath makes you more confident of yourself, and you feel ready to face any challenge that life throws your way. So, what do you do to keep your breath minty fresh all day? Brush twice a day, and use a good mouthwash regularly, would be your reply. But is this enough? Let us start by busting a few myths here! Mouthwash will give you fresh breath all day long. It won't. It will only make your breath fresh temporarily. As long as you brush your teeth regularly, you need not worry about bad breath! Brushing your teeth is necessary. The key here is how long and how well you brush. Most of us brush for 35 to 40 seconds, which is just not enough. One needs to brush properly over all the surfaces of the teeth to clean them well. This should take you not less than two minutes! And you thought brushing twice daily was enough! Here are a few tips to keep your breath fresh: Bad breath is the result of bacterial activity in your mouth. One of the reasons for bacteria to grow is due to dryness. So, never let your mouth go dry. Keep your mouth well hydrated. Drink loads of water. One of the other reasons for bacterial activity in the mouth is the food particles that get accumulated in the cracks between your teeth. Be sure to rinse your mouth well every time you finish eating something. Flossing is an activity you should never ignore. Flossing does what regular brushing cannot do; It removes the food stuck between your teeth. Avoid foods that cause bad breath-like coffee, tea, sugary drinks, garlic, onions, or broccoli. Sugarfree gums are a good way to keep your mouth hydrated, as they increase the flow of saliva. Gel based toothpastes may give you a fresh breath, but the effects are temporary. Go for fluoride toothpaste that is good in the long run. Yoga poses like the Kapal Bhati Pranayam, Sheetali Pranayam, Sheetkari Pranayam, Yoga Mudra, Simha Asana are effective in combating bad breath. Visit your dentist regularly, and get your teeth cleaned professionally. Avoid junk food, and foods that are rich in sugar and fats. Instead, go for fresh fruits and vegetables. Quit smoking and alcohol consumption. Simple things like brushing daily, flossing daily, rinsing your mouth after every meal, and eating right can help you keep your breath smelling fresh all day long.
Reasons for skipping sexThe most important satisfaction brick in a marriage's foundation, sex is where we show the greatest trust, most openly express intimacy and make ourselves most vulnerable. It is the most personal and private area of our relationship. It is the one area that separates this relationship from all others. Yet, there are times for both husbands and wives when sex becomes a burden and not a blessing, an inconvenience instead of intimacy, and a job instead of jubilee. Curious as to why people might be skipping sex? This is only a partial list and far from exhaustive. Reasons related to your body: I have a migraine. I have a stomachache. My body is too tired. My breasts are too sore. I am too sleepy. I can't keep my eyes open. I just need to take a little nap first. Okay, but I have a rash. Okay, but I have several weird looking cold sores. Reasons related to your emotions: I am depressed. I am worried. I am sad. Cry Reasons related to your kids: The kids are still up. We might wake up the kids. I just had a baby. This baby is wearing me out. Reasons related to your experts: My therapist said I need to give myself some time. My counselor said I should create some boundaries. I have to see my Gynecologist tomorrow. The Doctor gave me these sleeping pills for stress and I just took one. Reasons related to your spouse: Who was that girl / guy you were talking to on the phone? Sex, Sex, Sex All you ever want is sex! Why can't you just hold me? You should have asked in a more romantic way! Why do you have to use such crude language? Reasons related to your weather: It's just too hot. It's just too cold. It's too humid. Reasons related to your economy: When the economy improves. When the interest rates go down. When inflation goes down Reasons related to your special circumstances: We just got back from vacation! When I lose 20 kgs. Reasons related to your friends: I need to make a call first. My friend said they only do it once a month. Reasons related to your pets: The dog can see us. The cat is on the bed. Reasons related to your finances: Okay, but first we need to talk about the bills. Why did you charge this hotel room on our credit card? Reasons related to your job or boss: I have to get up early tomorrow. I was up all night last night. I had a long day at work today. The boss just gave me a new project and I have a lot of work to do Reasons related to your religion: Doesn't the Bible warn against having too much sex. I am sorry, but I just took a vow. I am giving up sex for Lent. Reasons related to your in-laws: We are in your parent's house. I have not been able to concentrate since your mother Your parents will hear us. Offer an alternative: Can I just take care of you in the shower? Okay, but you have to drive the kids to school in the morning. Use evasive tactics: Sneak in and go to sleep early. Okay, but let's watch this movie first. It's just too late. I'll be there in a minute. (Take an hour) Can we just cuddle? I just need you to hold me. Ask a sensitive question: Did you go to the bank and make our deposit today? Have you seen the kid's report cards? Wait for your spouse to tease you and then say coldly, well, you just lost whatever you were going to get tonight.
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