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Anger management in menThis isn't a tirade against TV Violence. On the contrary, why blame the movies for spewing out blood, guts and gore, when all they really do is reflect the times we live in. Art imitates life doesn't it? So why blame the rising crime graph and street violence on TV and movies? Why not peep within our own selves and see the sheer ferocity of the anger which we project collectively on box office sell-outs. Examine the angry man within. So well you shrug it off and say "We didn't start the fire, it's been always burning since the world's been turning." You can certainly do your bit to help douse that fire before it turns into a conflagration, spiralling out of control until it consumes you mentally, physically and spiritually. Anger is bad. Period. Inscrutable and mysterious indeed are the ways of anger. It is to do with the pace of one's life in these times which starts it all we suppose. Then comes the classic conflict between nature and nurture further adding 'reddie points' to the anger account which is ticking away somewhere accruing interest. Someday something as silly as a traffic snarl or a bad joke or anything really trivial or big; justifiable or unjustifiable will cause this anger to spew out like molten lava from the fissures of your head. Self control, restraint and tranquillity are then mere concepts which lie in a crumpled heap as the angry young man in you takes over and hits out at everything within sight. Since time immemorial, the male temperament has been programmed to hunt, protect and gather. The caveman in most males has not evolved at all! It now wears a suit and goes hunting gathering in his corporate cave. This is the monster in most of us we have to tame through "Anger Management". We might have taken a dig at the caveman being the corporate type, but he could be anyone with an anger issues - you, me, the petrol pump attendant or even Sean Penn and Charlie Sheen. Celebrities often have the luxury of having anger issues and, as we all know it, many a famous anger tantrum is often overlooked as a creative outburst. For us however it could mean a long term in jail and much worse - our days filled with regret! Anger is an emotion and therefore much as I hate to say it necessary to tell us something is not right. So it is nature's way of helping us perceive through our senses and feel anger as a result of that perception, much like happiness and sadness. However anger has a particular corrosive quality about it which if not expressed or acknowledged can wreck havoc on a man's health. Why do you think men outnumber women right from barroom brawls to health conditions like hypertension, heart attack and migraines? Most men when questioned after socking the living daylights out of someone state that they just had that lightheaded feeling as the serpent raised its ugly hood, the blood pressure shot up and adrenalin coursed through the veins, the ears heard that sickening thud of a pacing heart and then "The other guy was down on the ground and I didn't even feel a thing when I sliced his throat open! Honest! I have issues!" Can you imagine how horrifying it must be to lose our faculties and go berserk? Can you imagine how many innocent people are victims of road rage and unjustified violence? So how do you ditch that anger? First step is to find yourself a relaxation routine and deep breathing exercises can help you be more in control of your temper. Relax your muscles of all that tautness which anger makes it do. Consciously at a regular time do this relaxation routine. Feel your body respond by 'letting go' of old holding patterns. Yoga Postures, especially the 'Shavasana' can help tremendously by relaxing excitable natures and enables them to relax the body at will. Next time you feel angry about something you will find yourself responding appropriately. Remember it is you against anger. Tell yourself that anger is like a serpent it might bite its owner. So find a suitable method of letting out your anger, and know that doesn't include steeping down on the accelerator and running into the back of someone's car. That is anger getting the better of you and that's 'Road Rage' and Murder and suicide. Punch a pillow, get a pair of boxing gloves and wallop the hell out of a punching bag, run a mile, shout your head off in a deserted place if you must, but unclench the jaw and fists and maybe you will start seeing the lighter side of things. There are enough things in this world that truly deserve your anger. Without anger sometimes we cannot enforce change on the negative things in society. Whenever we hear of a rape of a helpless woman on a bus we are bound to feel anger. However letting that anger getting the better of us and going in for instant vigilante justice for perceived crimes is just as wrong. Then what sets us apart from people who rape, loot, plunder or murder? If we all exercise restraint and express anger as and when it registers instead of holding it inside would help a great deal. If you are angry about being given the short end of the stick at work and if for some reason you cannot express it then ensure that you don't implode by keeping it in or explode somewhere it is completely unwarranted. There will be a day when we will hear "TV Violins" instead of watching TV Violence.
Career advice for menGetting a job these days is extremely difficult. What is even more difficult is sticking around long enough at the job. No one is indispensable, and if you don't perform well, there are hundreds more waiting to get the job! Being the bread winner, men have to face this pressure more. Here are some tips that would do you good, if followed: Cracking The Interview: The golden rule here is to be honest. The interviewers do not want to hear what will please them; So, do not try to butter them up. They are also put off by boasting . Therefore, be honest about your views and opinions. Age:wise Attitude- When you are young, and have just entered the company, it is highly advisable to observe and learn as much as you can. Find yourself a professional mentor who can guide you. Try and build on your professional presence. Be active, spend more time with your boss, be helpful to your juniors. The golden advice for all, irrespective of seniority, is to stay clear of office gossip and politics. Keep a check on the attitude: There is no need to be arrogant, and a know-it-all. Be friendly, confident, and genuine. Learn to say no: You need to have a pleasing personality. But, avoid trying to please all. Try and learn the art of saying no firmly. Too much of 'yes' will make people take you for granted, and you will find yourself overloaded with a lot of work. Do not under price yourself: If you feel that you deserve a raise, go ahead and ask for it. Do not be afraid to ask for your worth. Often at interviews, employers cancel out candidates who under price themselves, as it shows that they will probably not perform to the expected levels. Blow your trumpet: With all humility make sure you take what is rightfully yours. If you don't take credit for the work, no one will give it to you. Worse, someone else may take it! Create boundaries: Keep your work at office. Do not bring work home. Often at the outset, to please bosses, one ends up working overtime or worse, working at home. It is important to keep both the parts of your lives separate. Keep fit too: Don't let your job take a toll on your health. Working late, sitting at the same place for hours, can be harmful for the heart. Learn to unwind periodically. Setting goals is easy. What is needed is the determination to follow the rules you have set for yourself. The way to success at work is taking the ladder, one step at a time. There is no elevator here.
Woman, look below your face too!Skin problems are not restricted to the face alone. There are several places where there could be problems. You don't have to grimace and bear it always! Moles: A mole is formed when the skin grows out in a crop or cluster. Moles can be quite harmless. At times, moles are also precursors to serious melanomas. If your mole suddenly grows big or changes colour or starts to bleed, see your dermatologist right away. He will advice a biopsy to rule out anything serious. It is always safe to be in the clear! Rosacea: This is an irritating skin condition that is brought on by specific triggers. It is usually manifested as red spots on the face, flushing or small red eruptions on the face. This condition has multiple triggers, the most common one being the sun. With no cure being available for rosacea, avoiding the triggers like sun, alcohol and extreme temperatures is the only solution. For moderate to severe cases, topical or oral antibiotics are prescribed. Depending on the severity, laser treatments that zap the blood vessels that cause the flushing can also be opted for. Ingrown hair: Too much of waxing and shaving results in the hair growing haphazardly. It results in hair curling up and growing up backwards. It can be a painful condition, especially if it gets infected. Wipe the skin with a cloth dipped in warm water to soften the skin so that it can grow freely. If the pus has already found its place, dab a bit of benzyl peroxide on it. Stretch marks: When your skin stretches with rapid weight gain, as in pregnancy, the result is unsightly stretch marks. Stretch marks, though a proud and happy achievement, can be an embarrassingly reality too! Treatment for them is possible when they are still fresh and pink. Applying a vitamin A or retinoid based cream regularly helps reduce the visibility of the stretch marks by making the skin more pliable. White spots: White spots can be anything from PMLE to Vitiligo. Polymorphous Light Eruptions are the typical whitish spots that come up on the exposed parts when you are out in the sun too much. It occurs due to the damage to the melanocytes by the harsh rays of the sun. In some cases, there are antibodies that the body produces against the melanocytes that go around killing the melanocytes in random places. This causes large white spots at random locations on the body which typically spread. So use a sunblock every time you step out into the sun. If you find the spot growing in size, consult your dermatologist. He may determine whether it is vitiligo. Vitiligo has no cure, there are oral medications available, which along with the sunrays help restoring some color to the skin. Birthmarks: These are pigment cells that are overgrown. Most birthmarks fade over time. However, if yours starts growing and changes to a dark brown color, get yourself checked by a skin specialist. Chances are that it could be a melanoma. Birthmarks are usually harmless and do not require removal except for cosmetic reasons. However certain medical conditions like melanoma also warrant their removal. Varicose veins: When blood in the legs isn't unable to pump up against gravity or if the valves of the leg veins are faulty, the blood starts stagnating in the leg. This causes the legs to swell and the veins to look prominent. This painful condition occurs in obese people, at times in pregnancy and in people with jobs that requires them to stand all day. Resting with the feet above chest level is a solution for mild to moderate cases. In severe cases, the solution is laser treatment. Scars: As a child, you burnt your leg by accidentally placing it on the hot silencer of daddy's bike? You may still have a scar to remind you of that incident! Scars happen after an injury to the skin's collagen and elastin. If scarred, you may have to live with it. However, there is no reason why the new injuries have to have reminders for life. Skin discolorations, keloids or pockmarks from acne attacks, whatever the scar, there are multiple creams and laser options available to treat them. Age spots: Also called Liver spots, they have nothing to with either your age or liver. They are caused when your skin produces extra melanin to cope with your sun exposure. Alternate application of a bleaching cream like hydroquinone and an exfoliating cream like a retinoid based cream can help lighten the spots. Do this under your dermatologist's guidance only. Other options include chemical peels and microdermablasion. Lasers are last option treatments for stubborn old spots. Eczema: This is a long-term skin disease, also known as atopic dermatitis. Most common symptoms include dry and itchy skin, rashes on the face, inside the elbows, behind the knees, and on the hands and feet. Currently, there is no single test to diagnose eczema, so doctors rely on information about you and your family. Treatment options do not include cure, only immediate relief from the inflammation and itching can be obtained. Hives: Hives are the red and sometimes itchy bumps on your skin. They usually appear as an allergic reaction to certain foods or drugs. People who have some form of other allergy are more likely to get hives than people who don't have any allergy at all. Other causes include infections and stress. Hives usually go away on their own, but if you have a serious case, you might need medical help. Skin is the largest organ of our body. It is the protective barrier between our body and the outer harmful world full of bacteria, viruses and other dangerous microbes. Hence, it becomes extremely essential that caring for our skin should find top spot on our health care list.
The post-delivery bluesA baby being born is cause for celebration. Especially in a country like India, where the family ties tend to be close, there is a festive atmosphere at home. However, sometimes the mothers may not share the same enthusiasm. This wave of negative emotions in the middle of what is clearly a happy occasion can be confusing for the new mother. Interestingly these feelings are not abnormal, as many new moms face postpartum depression, which is also called baby blues. It is an emotional reaction that begins a few days after delivery and lasts not more than 2 weeks. What are the symptoms of postpartum depression? Feelings of anger or irritability. Lack of interest in the baby. Lack of appetite and sleep disturbance. Crying and sadness. Irritability or hypersensitivity. Feelings of guilt, shame or hopelessness. Loss of interest, joy or pleasure in the things you used to enjoy. Possible thoughts of harming the baby or yourself. What are the causes of postpartum depression? Postpartum depression can occur due to a combination of factors. Hormonal changes: Changes in the level of hormones can leave you feeling tired, sluggish and depressed. Changes in your blood volume, blood pressure, immune system and metabolism can contribute to fatigue and mood swings. Emotional factors: Feeling overwhelmed with the new arrival in the family, and taking care of the baby day and night, may leave you sleep deprived, overexerted, and anxious. New mothers also feel that they look less attractive after pregnancy. You may feel that people around you are concerned with the baby more than you, and that you are being neglected. All these emotional factors may lead to postpartum depression. Other factors: Issues like breast feeding, financial strain, and relationship troubles can also contribute to postpartum depression. How does one deal with postpartum depression? Take complete rest and sleep for sufficient hours Spend quality time with your husband Go for healthy diet Take morning or evening walk for fresh air Try to follow yoga or other exercises Share your feelings with your husband or friends Do not overexert Join some groups for new moms Go for individual therapy or counsellors Remember, postpartum depression is not an incurable problem. It is just a temporary state of mind, which can be overcome if you are sufficiently aware of the problem.                
Anxious about anxiety?Anxiety disorder is a term that almost everyone has heard and experienced in some form or the other. It is a generic term used to describe different forms of a mental disorder wherein those afflicted show typical characteristics of great apprehension, fear and trepidation. The symptoms, of course, vary depending on the severity of the affliction. So you can have 'anxious moments' when you narrowly escape an accident while driving - that's temporary and natural, while some others might have chronic anxiety which might need medical aid. Types of anxiety disorders Generalized anxiety disorder: There is no specific reason for the symptoms of anxiety i.e. restlessness, apprehension, worry, and panic. Thus the term general anxiety disorder (GAD) is any irrational worry which is disproportionate to the source of anxiety. GAD is a state of perpetual irrational and persistent fear which absorbs a person's time or can disrupt his normal functioning. The symptoms of GAD are light headedness, sweating, difficulty breathing, nausea, and numbness. Phobias: Phobias are an irrational morbid fear for certain things or objects. The list of phobias is exhausting as it is anything that a human being is capable of being afraid of. Thus you have arachnophobia which is the fear of spiders, homophobia, which is the fear of homosexual people orxenophobia,the fear of foreigners. Phobias can completely paralyze and terrorize a person and is a form of anxiety disorder. Obsessive compulsive disorder: This is the classic loop where a person is afraid of certain situations arising constantly and thus takes precautionary measures to ensure that it won't. Only thing is that this turns in to a compulsive ritual which can throw her in a loop. Thus a person can be said to have OCD if she persistently checks to see if the gas valve is off as she has a fear that she will set fire to her home. It is a particularly distressful anxiety disorder. Post-traumatic stress disorder: This is anxiety arising out of a traumatic incident which the person undergoes. It could be a horrific accident or an extremely brutal incident which the person has witnessed. The trauma is revisited again and again in the mind and manifests as anxiety. This disorder is based on real events that the person has experienced or undergone and can take a long time to heal. Panic disorder: This is characterized by panic attacks or episodes where great terror or discomfort is experienced. It is a very unsettling experience as the patient feels he is about to go unhinged or something dangerous or embarrassing is going to happen to him. Thus the sensation or feelings of panic build up and reach a crescendo resulting in a panic attack. Sometimes in a panic attack, the patient's reality and perceptions are distorted and blurred and can thus put him in danger. According to the National Institute of Mental Health there could be a number of reasons for anxiety disorders. They vary from early childhood environment to lifestyle causes, heredity and even environment.    
CryophobiaCold or hot can be a very subjective term as every person's tolerance for either heat or cold can vary. When some of us react in an extreme manner to all things cold, then it could be a case of cryophobia - the fear of catching cold or the fear of cold weather. Derived from the Greek "kryos" + phobos gives us cryophobia, which is a mental aberration where the mind develops a nagging and persistent fear of all things cold - be it cold weather, ice-cream, or maybe even a cold shoulder! Jokes apart, a person suffering from this condition could really experience 'hot weather' in his relationships as he will completely avoid any contact with anything cold. If the weather is a bit nippy then that's a veritable disaster for Mr. 'Avoid De Cold' as he will do everything in his power to stay indoors, for instance - turn on the central heating and wrap himself up until the mercury rises to an agreeable level. Though it is decidedly different from your run-of-the mill phobias, cryophobia could be of various types. There are some who are only afraid of cold in the 'weather' sense and are otherwise cool about touching cold objects or even having an ice-cream. While there are some who would probably break out into, if you will excuse the term, 'cold sweat,' even while watching floating icebergs on a Nat-Geo documentary. So, the sensation of cold is quite subjective, and hence the various strains of cryophobia. Generally, this fear would manifest quite logically for those who have occasioned to be trapped under ice accidently or maybe those who have suffered frost bite from exposure to cold weather during a skiing holiday. Under such circumstances, avoidance, though irrational, could be perfectly logical. If you monitor weather reports constantly and experience discomfort even in moderate climates, then you should get yourself checked for cryophobia, as chances are that soon you will be restricting yourself indoors and cutting yourself off from the rest of the world. Some people might just overcome fear or anxiety by wearing an extra layer of the woolens or turning up the central heating. For deep seated fears, it may require long-term counseling or medication. Some people might just have this morbid fear of developing pneumonia from a common cold and hence may take elaborate measures to avoid going out during cold days. This too can be quite normal since most of us don't want to call a day off from work due to a nasty cold. But despite adequate protection if you are still afraid of venturing out to work or are avoiding social contact just because of an irrational fear of catching cold when the weather outside is made for the beach and you are in the middle of summer! Then the catchphrase is - You have cryophobia!
High fiber foods and their benefitsFiber has many health benefits and that is why it is important to include fiber in your diet. However, if you are not used to fiber in your diet then introduce it slowly or it could cause indigestion and gas. Fibers are good for overall health and help to boost the immune system and help prevent a number of diseases. The digestive health benefits of fiber : If bowel movements are regular, then fibers will prevent both constipation and diarrhea. Regular movements flush out excessive cholesterol as well as harmful toxins from the intestines which could also be carcinogenic. Fiber helps to reduce inflammation of the intestines, could bring relief from irritable bowel syndrome and prevent piles, ulcers, and acidity. The benefits to the heart Soluble fiber is good for the heart. Fiber reduces the bad cholesterol levels (LDL). It helps to lower blood pressure, improves the levels of good cholesterol (HDL). Fibers reduce the risk of stroke also. These factors are good for heart heath. Weight Loss Fiber can help you to lose weight as it makes you feel fuller for longer which means you will eat less. High-fiber fruits and vegetables have lower calories, so by adding these to your diet cuts calories which could aid in weight loss. Eat 21 to 38 grams of fiber per day depending on your age and gender. Diabetes If you already suffer from type II diabetes then you should have soluble fiber as it slows down the absorption of sugar and can help to maintain blood sugar levels. Regulating blood sugar can also reduce the risk of kidney and gallbladder stones. Cancer prevention Though research is still ongoing, but the general conclusion is that eating fiber foods keeps the colon in a better condition and this could prevent colon cancer. However, it does prevent digestive tract cancer. The more fiber you eat the more fluids you should drink as that helps to absorb fiber better. Good for the skin Eating fiber is good for the skin as they help to flush out toxins from your body which otherwise cause acne. Besides eating a lot of fruits and vegetables produce antioxidants that are good for your skin. Some tips Start your day with fiber as it keeps you full and sugar levels just right to keep you energetic. Try to replace white rice, bread, and pasta with brown rice and whole grain products. Eat seeds, nuts, and flaxseeds either whole or ground and sprinkle some on fruit, yoghurt, or cereal. Add beans and legumes to your diet as often as possible. Eat whole fruits instead of juice. Insoluble fiber can be found in foods like whole grains, wheat, cereals, and vegetables such as carrots, celery, and tomatoes. Whereas soluble fibers are found in barley, oatmeal, beans, nuts, and fruits such as apples, berries, citrus fruits, and pears. Foods like meat, dairy, and sugar have no fiber and some foods like white rice, white bread, and pastries have no fiber either because it has got removed because of refining.
5 Muscle building smoothiesProtein is highly important for muscle building as it repairs the muscles and help in their rapid recovery after a workout. That is why most of the trainers recommend taking protein smoothies after workouts. Generally, banana and peanut butter alternatively, are used to add the protein content to the smoothies. Apart from these, Chocolate is a hot favourite as well. But if these do get boring, here are some smoothie ideas, only for you. Hot Cocoa (bed-time and post workout) Ingredients: 1-cup milk (fat-free), 1 scoop whey protein chocolate, 1 packet Swiss Miss Diet hot Cocoa and ½-cup cottage cheese (low fat). Recipe Heat the milk and just when it gets to the boiling point, blend it in the blender with the protein, cottage cheese and cocoa until smooth. Ensure that the mixture has mixed well. This protein smoothie can be taken just before bedtime as well, because the cottage cheese contains slow digesting proteins that are great for overnight muscle repairing. Each glass of the Hot Cocoa smoothie contains: Calories-275 Protein-44 gms Carbs-20 gms Fat-1 gm Fiber-0gm Root Beer Float (post-workout) Ingredients: 1 scoop vanilla flavored whey protein, ½ cup vanilla yoghurt (fat free(, 1 scoop vanilla casein protein and 1 ½ cup root beer Recipe In a bowl mix all the protein powders into the yogurt slowly and stir well to avoid clumps. Now, pour the root beer in a large beer glass and add this mixture of yoghurt carefully, without stirring. Since the root beer starts carbonation process, the shake becomes quite frothy without having to use a blender for mixing. Each large glass of the Root Beer Float smoothie contains: Calories-443 Protein-48gms Carbs-61 gms Fat-1 gm Fiber-1 gm Post workout or pre-workout smoothies provide the necessary protein to the body that contributes in rapid muscle recovery and growth. Peach Cobbler (pre-workout) Ingredients: 1-cup water, ½ can of sliced peaches with juice, 1 scoop vanilla whey and 1 packet Quakers Instant Oatmeal (lower sugar maple and brown sugar) Recipe Mix all the ingredients in a blender and serve. Use an immersion blender for this one, to get a finely mixed smoothie. Each glass of the Peach Cobbler smoothie contains: Calories-305 Protein-24 gms Carbs-49 gms Fat- 2 gms Fiber-3 gms Orange Creamsicle (pre-workout) Ingredients: 1-cup orange juice, ½ cup fat-free yoghurt (vanilla flavor) and 1 scoop vanilla whey protein Recipe Mix all the ingredients in the blender and enjoy your smoothie. Ensure that you use real orange juice and not the flavored orange drinks for this one to get the desired result. One glass of the Orange Creamsicle smoothie contains: Calories-280 Protein-27gms Carbs-43 gms Fat-1 gm Fiber-2 gms Chocolate Almond Brownie (pre workout or early morning) Ingredients: 1 cup milk (fat-free), ¼ cup almonds (chopped), ½ Clif brownie bar (chocolate flavor-chopped finely) and 1 scoop of chocolate flavored whey protein Recipe Mix the milk and the flavored protein in the blender and serve with almonds and Clif bar topping. Use a spoon as you will be eating as well as drinking the shake, because the almonds and the bar chips can settle to the bottom. One glass of this Chocolate Almond Brownie smoothie contains: Calories -457 Protein-39 gms Carbs-41 gms Fat-17 gms Fiber-8 gms
All you need to know about angioplasty!Why would you need coronary angioplasty? The walls of the arteries are being constantly lined with a fatty material called plaque. This plaque increases in certain conditions like atherosclerosis. When the build-up is too high, the artery gets blocked and the subsequent tissue receives very less or no blood, causing it to die. The plaque at times may be dissolved by medicines but if it is too big, medicines prove ineffective. This is manifested outwardly as a heart attack. This is the time when the doctor would recommend the coronary angioplasty as a treatment for you. How is it done? A thin catheter with a deflated tiny balloon at one end is inserted into the affected artery. Once the exact location of plaque build-up is reached, the balloon is inflated causing the plaque to get pushed against the artery wall and creating free space for the blood to flow. A small mesh called a stent may be placed to hold the artery in place. Some stents are coated with medicines that prevent the scar tissue formation following the angioplasty procedure. The procedure may be done as an emergency or it may be planned. If it is a planned procedure: You will have to get hospitalized and stop eating or drinking 6 to 8 hrs before the procedure. Once the procedure is done, the doctor would prefer you staying in the hospital overnight to watch for any adverse events that may happen. What happens after the surgery? The surgery lasts for 1 to 2 hours and you would be allowed to go home the next day. You will be advised not to undergo vigorous and strenuous exercises and to rest adequately. Most people are fit to return to work a week after the surgery.
Is sex linked to self esteem?Man is a curious creature, full of quirks and contradictions. Sexual intercourse, something that most people consider an intimate and private experience, is spoken about in hushed tones and often, with some discomfort. We don't reveal or talk about our sexual desires, as readily we discuss our salary packages or food habits. This is quite ironic seeing how sex is an important gauge for a person's self esteem and also an indicator of his/her social desirability. The very thing that we do under covers, we somehow choose to "keep under cover". The Link between Sex and Self Esteem: Self esteem is an important factor that determines the mental & physical well-being of an individual. All of us have a craving to be understood, liked and appreciated; and these form the equivalent of our basic needs on the inverted pyramid- Food, clothing and shelter. For a human being to flourish and prosper, consumable food, without the mental food of appreciation, is not enough; and sexual intercourse or an intimacy with the opposite sex, is one way of validating that need. Sex therefore, ceases to be just a physical need instilled by nature for the perpetuation of the species, but goes into the larger emotional cum psychological dimension of self actualization and realization. Though some of us might be embarrassed to broach the topic of 'whether or not we are getting enough', the truth is that every human seeks to achieve his sexual potential, even while he or she might, not be aware of it. Most of us have the ability to get the foods matching our taste preferences onto our plates, but with sex, this could be a little difficult, since sex, is a complex subject with a lot of social, moral and religious links. The truth is evident in the number of marriages (the very cornerstones of civil society) that fail on the basis of sexual compatibility, either by setting unrealistic sexual expectations or by not owning up to, or even identifying, one's sexual needs. This has repercussions on the psyche and self-esteem of a person, and this is especially true in the case of men in particular, as they may feel completely inferior for not being able to attract a sexual partner matching his desires. In some people, this also leads to a case of self-loathing, for having sexual needs which a partner doesn't understand, or much worse, needs which are considered taboo and sinful (Homosexuality, Anal Sex, Group Sex, Fetishes, etc.) These complex emotions can wreak  havoc on a person's self-esteem, by creating severe internal conflicts and serious self-doubts. Now socially, sex can either liberate a person, or hold him prisoner. At times, the unfulfilled needs may get repressed and banished to the shadows, only to be played out later, in the form of sexual adventurism and crime. Just one look at the sexual crimes in our society today, and we can clearly understand just how healthy our collective self esteem is! The very society that frowns upon prostitution, is actually responsible for creating it, though everybody would like to pretend otherwise. The crux of the matter is that "sex" and "self esteem" are closely related; and one should not shy away from addressing any issues one might face regarding one's sexuality. Physical love is necessary for the survival of a relationship and one needs to make time and efforts to successfully create one's own sexual space. The positive effects of a good sex life can be seen in an increased work productivity, fewer illnesses and an increase in one's overall efficiency. Some people are haunted by sexual guilt and confusion and when they keep it all locked up, they suffer from unexplained physical pains and feel 'down in the dumps' mentally. Another problem with appreciation from the opposite sex, is the addiction to  external validation. Some people feel utterly worthless until they receive positive feedback about their looks or abilities on a regular basis. This can be downright devastating, as in these cases, there is a great dependence on external factors for one to feel good. While no one denies the "feel good factor" of sexual appreciation, it is up to each one of us, to decide just how much of control one must be giving to external factors, to determine our personal self-esteem. The appreciation may be theirs, but the esteem is entirely of the self and only the self can decide how much of appreciation and sex is enough.
Reasons for skipping sexThe most important satisfaction brick in a marriage's foundation, sex is where we show the greatest trust, most openly express intimacy and make ourselves most vulnerable. It is the most personal and private area of our relationship. It is the one area that separates this relationship from all others. Yet, there are times for both husbands and wives when sex becomes a burden and not a blessing, an inconvenience instead of intimacy, and a job instead of jubilee. Curious as to why people might be skipping sex? This is only a partial list and far from exhaustive. Reasons related to your body: I have a migraine. I have a stomachache. My body is too tired. My breasts are too sore. I am too sleepy. I can't keep my eyes open. I just need to take a little nap first. Okay, but I have a rash. Okay, but I have several weird looking cold sores. Reasons related to your emotions: I am depressed. I am worried. I am sad. Cry Reasons related to your kids: The kids are still up. We might wake up the kids. I just had a baby. This baby is wearing me out. Reasons related to your experts: My therapist said I need to give myself some time. My counselor said I should create some boundaries. I have to see my Gynecologist tomorrow. The Doctor gave me these sleeping pills for stress and I just took one. Reasons related to your spouse: Who was that girl / guy you were talking to on the phone? Sex, Sex, Sex All you ever want is sex! Why can't you just hold me? You should have asked in a more romantic way! Why do you have to use such crude language? Reasons related to your weather: It's just too hot. It's just too cold. It's too humid. Reasons related to your economy: When the economy improves. When the interest rates go down. When inflation goes down Reasons related to your special circumstances: We just got back from vacation! When I lose 20 kgs. Reasons related to your friends: I need to make a call first. My friend said they only do it once a month. Reasons related to your pets: The dog can see us. The cat is on the bed. Reasons related to your finances: Okay, but first we need to talk about the bills. Why did you charge this hotel room on our credit card? Reasons related to your job or boss: I have to get up early tomorrow. I was up all night last night. I had a long day at work today. The boss just gave me a new project and I have a lot of work to do Reasons related to your religion: Doesn't the Bible warn against having too much sex. I am sorry, but I just took a vow. I am giving up sex for Lent. Reasons related to your in-laws: We are in your parent's house. I have not been able to concentrate since your mother Your parents will hear us. Offer an alternative: Can I just take care of you in the shower? Okay, but you have to drive the kids to school in the morning. Use evasive tactics: Sneak in and go to sleep early. Okay, but let's watch this movie first. It's just too late. I'll be there in a minute. (Take an hour) Can we just cuddle? I just need you to hold me. Ask a sensitive question: Did you go to the bank and make our deposit today? Have you seen the kid's report cards? Wait for your spouse to tease you and then say coldly, well, you just lost whatever you were going to get tonight.
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