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Making the 30 the new 20 - Some healthy tips for men over 3030s for most men is the age of making money, a firm career and preparing a good and luxurious retirement plan. But in this race of minting money, getting a house, buying a new car, don't you feel you lose the verve to be young in body, health and spirit? Result, you are in the lap of one or the other lifestyle diseases. Well guys slow down and ponder a bit.Your age can be on your side when you try to maintain it not when you extract all energy and fill it with monotony and laziness. 30s can turn into new 20s for each one of you but that can't happen by sitting in front of the TV set watching your favourite game and gulping down a beer. So you need to put your mind and heart together and try to work out options to keep your mental and physical health optimized. Let's discuss few such ways which can be the key to your health post your 30s. Be a part of the maddening crowd Post 30s men have a habit of engaging themselves totally into their work, that very little time remains to socialize and meet people. Studies prove that people who are part of a big social group have fewer chances of heart diseases as they are supposed to be happier and stress-free compared to their counterparts who spend their time in their office files and TV. Be healthy, wealthy and always wise with exercise Hitting the gym would be a trend amongst teens and those in twenties, but you need it the most at 30 as this is the age staying fit is essential to keep all diseases away. If you are not a gym fan then you can try any of the other methods of exercise: Morning walks Joggings Yoga Aerobics Options can be innumerable but you need to choose what suits you and your lifestyle best. Avoid the idiot box Do you spend your evenings in front of the television set? Well that is definitely one of the unhealthy habits you are nurturing then. Television sets make you dependent, which mean very few body movements. The only exercise you get is when you reach for the popcorn or when you fiddle with the remote for the mute button in-between commercial breaks. Also it takes up your time which is meant to be spent with family and friends. So next time you get home from office, try and grab a game with your kid or a nice chat with your wife or walk down the road to your friend's house and go out for some fresh air instead. Say NO to the puff A very common habit which catches hold among men especially since their teenage is smoking. Men who have been smoking since their teens don't feel a need to change their ways and it just seems to get worse. Now in your middle-age you don't smoke for effect but rather as a refuge from all tensions and tribulations or sheer force of habit. You are aware that smoking and nicotine dependence whether through smoking to chewing tobacco can put you at risk of lung cancer, hypertension, heart valve blockages and much worse? Being a bit more sober than you were in your 20s is essential here. Stop the smoke and try to look into the clear air around you. Less alcohol, more life Alcohol not only hits your liver and takes you away from the real pleasures of your life but also makes you prone to all the diseases which starts showing its symptoms in the middle-age only. Increase in anxiety, blood pressure, high cholesterol or other cardiovascular diseases come into forefront more with age. Does that mean you should stop this within a day or two? No, you need to limit the number to one or two pegs maximum a day and you will be fit for a healthy life. Go fishing Now this does not mean you need to hunt for your own food or dangle the bait or go hungry. Just make fish a part of your daily diet. Fish or sea food after stepping in your 30s makes you able-bodied and increases immunity to fight diseases. The necessary proteins, vitamins, essential oils, zinc, selenium etc. can be had through just one source-fish! Bone mania Calcium deficiency a common disease in women in their 30s causes joints pain primarily, now this should never be neglected by men as well because with changing lifestyle, men also are falling prey to it. Declining calcium concentration in your bones post 30s makes them prone to more fractures and bone damages. The right balance between physiotherapy and food habits makes you more agile and keeps the joints squeaky clean! More sunshine Research prove that spending 15-20 min in the sun everyday helps one to keep away from diseases like osteoporosis, back pains, arthritis etc. Requirement for Vitamin D is fulfilled and all readily bodily deficiencies get mitigated. Thus step out in the sun for some time and experience the results yourself. Avoid the junk Pot bellies are a common sight among men as they hit their 30s. You don't have to live with it! Obesity is the starting point of most diseases. Thus what you require is just focus on a healthy diet plan. The burgers and pizzas which might be irresistible to you in your teens should be only looked at dispassionately without bringing your mouth a mile near them. Extra cheese and butter are now not to be served on your platter. A bit hard-hitting but to stay healthy needs to be done without any second thought. Thus the above mentioned pointers can be followed by guys at any age but should be followed rigorously when you hit 30! So, live your life healthiest and to the fullest!  
Handling post retirement bluesYou have given the best years of your life to your career, and now it's time to say goodbye and get ready for the retired life. It is a phase laden with expectations of all things you were too busy to do while working - spending more time with family, going on that fishing expedition, or going on leisure trips around the world. However, despite the wonderful things to come, retirement can get unusually trying and mentally taxing. After all, how many of us really have the flexibility of mind to take this period as a challenge and be the master of our destinies? Just because you are retired doesn't mean you have to wither away and wait for death to claim you. So, here's what you can do to beat the retirement blues Catching up: This is really a bewildering time, as you have a lot of catching up to do, with a lot of things. Prioritize the things you want to do and proceed confidently. You may want to spend time with children, spouse, friends, etc. Go easy on yourself, as you may not be able to fit in as many things in your schedule all at the same time. Boost your self-esteem: Retirement is particularly trying for those who have occupied important positions in office. Such people are known to throw tantrums, as they feel less wanted than before. So don't ever make the mistake of treating your family like you treated subordinates at work. That was a role that you played then, and without reducing your importance or self-esteem you can now play a different role with your family as a friend, philosopher and guide. In fact, you can use your contacts and keep the old network alive by involving youth in your field of expertise and help them benefit from you. Catch up on exercise: The more physically fit you are the less likely that retirement will be a painful process. Perfect time for you to catch up on the fun times with your spouse to remind you of all the great times you have had all these years. If your spouse is not in the best of health then just being together is such a wonderful experience in the golden years. Financial health: Your peace of mind and self-esteem largely depend on how independent you are financially. You can take up a part time job or think of innovative ways to let your hobbies and interests generate money for you. This should be an enjoyable process by which your self-esteem can really benefit. Support groups: There are informal or formal associations of retired people that do various activities like travelling. Make yourself available to them. Sometimes retired people withdraw into a shell and that only makes things worse. These support groups give a fresh perspective on all things in life.
Infertility at workplaceSince infertility among the younger age is increasing, it is important that a couple decides an early suitable date to attempt conception. Time and again it has been found that infrequency of intercourse is the cause of delayed pregnancy. It is advisable that the woman has a thorough examination by the gynecologists to identify the ovulation dates and for the man to have a thorough spermatic fluid check.  If both are normal then they could wait for a suitable date later. Should there be a problem the quicker it is attended to better. Also, early in the marriage they should start a fund which could be utilized for matters related to conception. For the male, the main treatment covers his personal sex life and a detailed examination of his spermatic fluid. It is the female who has to undergo many detailed tests and possibly surgeries which are expensive. It is often seen that not only the procedures for both take a toll on their personal and intimate relationship but also severely affect their finances which may come to a point that it does not allow them to complete the treatment as for e.g. the woman undergoing IVF may costs several lakhs of rupees. The treatment of infertility has improved greatly, but interferes severely with the work schedule. Working couples particularly women may have a hard time keeping to their schedules. Depending on their infertility diagnosis, many workplace challenges exist including the need to take time off to undergo tests and other appointments. It is difficult to balance the medical and surgical procedures with daily life and work. This is a difficult issue for many people as they fear their employer may discriminate against them for taking time off from work. Sadly in India there are very few employers who include medical benefits and cost of treatment for infertility. Suggestions have been given on stress dealing with infertility treatment and work. Here are few pitfalls to avoid: Do Your Homework: Review your organization's HR policies so you understand the amount of leave you have and other policies that pertain to your situation. You may be able to arrange for flex time or work from home on the days of your appointments, so that you do not actually miss any work. Be Honest:  Go to supervisor and let her or him know that you will be using your leave time and will give as much notice as possible. Honesty is the best policy. Remember people are inherently curious about the disease of infertility. If you feel the questions are invasive and make you feel uncomfortable, remember you do not have to answer the questions. You can respond nicely and let them know that you appreciate their concern but you are not ready to answer any questions. Your co-workers are asking question because it is human nature to be curious. In conclusion, not everyone needs to know what is happening with your reproductive health. At work place should medical help be available do take advantage of it.  This treatment has nothing to do with your performance at work. Go to work feeling confident that you will be able to perform your job and handle your workload during this time.
Smell like roses, without the thornsYou bathe regularly and use the best possible deodorants, underarm anti-perspirants, panty perfume but the bad odour just doesn't go away. Pat yourself dry Very often you have a leisurely bath with scented bubbles and what not but when it comes to drying your body thoroughly, well you just pat yourself quickly, for you are in a hurry. The moisture on your body then attracts bacteria with fungi and they cause that embarrassing mouldy kind of stench on your body. So make sure you dab yourself thoroughly dry all over your body. Especially in places like the lower back where it is difficult to reach without some really flexible shoulder joints. Use the archer's swipe (The towel extended between the right hand over the head with  the left hand extended back to form the bottom grip, which looks like an archer reaching for a bow from the quiver). In case you are endowed with love handles and folds of fat then be generous with the patting, as those are the parts most susceptible to host bacteria. Change clothes often If you wear the same set of clothes and lingerie then you are surely going to have an odour which is lingering. So for those ladies who occasionly wear the same set of clothes without washing, the sweat is going to accumulate in there and raise a stink. Remember the Celine Dion song? It's a new day, a new start! Menstruation + Stress = Bad smell There is nothing that you can really do about your periods. Instead, try and be a little more extra careful during those 4 days. You can have an extra jab at the deo bottle or perfume lotion. However stress, nervousness and fear also leave chemical traces which come out along with the sweat. This adds to the bad odour. Humble pie for dessert? What you eat also affects the way you smell. Go easy on the garlic, onion rings and fish for they can make you smell slightly worse than an open sewer. Always rinse your mouth after eating and use a good minty mouthwash if at all you choose to pepper your meal with onion and garlic to ward offthe evil eye. You can add conditions like diabetes to cause a fruity kind of odour. Well in that case make sure you exercise regularly so that the skin sweats out the toxins. In case you are the extra-sweaty types then use medicated soaps or ensure you use steam baths regularly to keep your skin pores open.
Cranky kids in a diner? dealing with them made a bit easy!This has happened to many a parent. They make a reservation at a fine dining restaurant, perhaps with friends and relatives. But their kid screams, and cries,disturbing the entire restaurant, and spoiling the general mood. For this reason, many parents avoid going out altogether, especially to fancy places. But there are ways in which you can handle the toddler when you are at a restaurant. We will show you how. Carry toys Restaurant may be boring at times for toddlers. That's why they turn peevish and may start playing with forks, spoons or knife. So carry some toys, crayons, notebooks, or even a story book, which will keep them busy and you can have a good time. Order something yummy and healthy for the kid A hungry kid is an angry kid. So, order something which is your kid's favorite and also healthy at the same time. Or you can carry something along with you like fruits breads, cherries or other nutritious treats. Keep responding to what kid says The best way to keep childrenwell behavedis to talk to them and respond whenever the child speaks. Don't avoid them or get too engrossed with other people. They get cranky when they don't get a response from you. Take a round with your kid When the kid becomes difficult to handle, just pick him in your arms and take a mini tour of the restaurant or walk outside. This will distract him and relieve his boredom. Don't tolerate any bad behavior If the bad behavior of the kids is intolerable, then firmly tell them that they need to adopt good manners if they want to visit restaurants again. Disturbing other diners is not acceptable. But it doesn't mean that you punish them.You just have to remove them to a place where they don't bother anyone. Make your outing relaxed and enjoyable Above all, don't forget to have fun and make it an enjoyable evening. Don't get too carried away disciplining the kid. You can afford to be a bit silly and enjoy the time with your child.
Mood disordersMood disorder is a category of mental health problems, and it includes all types of depression and bipolar disorder. The cause of mood disorder is not well known. Endorphins in brain are responsible for positive moods. The neurotransmitters regulate endorphins. Depression and other mood disorders are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Life events such as unwanted changes in life may also contribute to a depressed mood. Mood disorders are inherited. Children, adolescents, or adults who have a parent with a mood disorder have a greater chance of also having a mood disorder. Symptoms: Prolonged feeling of sadness Helpless feeling Low self-esteem Intense guilt Suicidal thoughts Loss of interest in daily activities Difficulty with relationships Disturbed sleep Change in appetite or weight Low energy Inability in concentrating Inability to make decisions Frequent physical complaints (i.e., headache, stomach ache, fatigue) Threats of running away from home Hypersensitivity to failure or rejection Irritability Aggressive behaviour Hostility In mood disorders, these feelings appear more intense than what a person may normally feel from time to time. Treatment Psychotherapy: It is focused on changing the individual's distorted views of themselves and the environment around them, working through difficult relationships, and identifying stress triggers in their environment and how to avoid them. Family therapy: Families play a vital supportive role in any treatment process. Antidepressant medications: Medications in combination with psychotherapy has shown to be very effective in the treatment of depression.
A guide to resolving commitment phobiaCommitment phobia could impact both men and women. The age-old idea of only men being commitment phobic has fallen to ground and such a fear is shared by both the genders today. The main issue of this psychological condition is that the partner involved is also traumatically affected. The initial stages of the relationship involve making the partner feel secure about the relationship by assurances and verbal confessions about future needs of a long-term companionship. This makes the person involved with the commitment phobic trusting the latter, only to be taken aback and hurt when she/he walks out at the time, to seriously and sincerely declare their relationship. One who is afraid of commitment would often have many failed emotional relationships in the past with the justification of never having found the right person. Even though you might just be the perfect match, it is possible that they would find something wrong with your lifestyle in order to justify his/her fear. There would be consistent contradiction in their declaring of love for you and the actions which might hurt or injure the trust built on basis of the verbal assurances. Cause of Commitment Phobia: The root of the fear is the need to feel in control. A commitment phobic will feel that after a point of time there is a need to withdraw from their lover in order to have an 'upper hand' in the relationship and feel in control. Such a feeling might not be conscious. While the commitment phobic is pursuing their partner, they are also keeping in mind the way to get out of the relationship. Thus, any compliment given is empty flattery, for it presupposes their exit when the time comes. They are also afraid of facing the truth of their emotions. Coming from unstable backgrounds, commitment phobic people are very lonely and afraid of pain. The parents might have had a loveless and emotionally numb relationship. There could also be instances of physical and sexual abuse apart from the mental trauma the patient goes through as a child. Bailing out is their defence against being hurt any time in the future. Thus, the only thing they are doing in the relationship is to make sure they have the power in their hands (via complimenting and making you believe in them) and to make you depend on them. Once you are dependent and look for a solid assurance of their existence in your life, they will walk out.  Due to the fear of getting hurt, no amount of emotional intimacy and efforts seem to be sufficient for them to believe in you. However, remember that it is possible to cure the condition with proper psychological and emotional support. Contrary to popular belief, both men and women suffer from commitment phobia. The root of this fear is sown during the early years of the patient's childhood and a vicious cycle arises in which the patient withholds from forming a full-fledged relationship with anyone, blaming the failures on incapacities of the partner involved. This cycle can end only with the individual effort and support of companions and lover. Treatment of Commitment Phobia: The main aim in treatment of commitment phobia is to change the way the patient thinks about relationships. If you know someone who is a commitment phobic or if you are afraid of commitment, then here are five ways to deal with it: Way 1- Accept YourselfYou are looking for a perfect partner in an ideal context. You want a long-term loving relationship, but you have experienced throughyour life that such relationships are filled with pain and assume that eventually all relationships are only bundles of pain. This is manifested by your tendency to obsessively find something wrong with your partner. You know that your partner is loving and doing everything they can to make the relationship work, even then you find something wrong with them. When you think about commitment, you feel suffocated, bored, or at danger because it would require you to let your guards down to a person, thus becoming open to being in pain again. Accept yourself. Don't distort who you are. Write down all you feel about relationships and accept it. Think about the past relationships you have had and admit that your fear has led to breaking up of many emotional relationships in the past. Way 2- Understanding Your ConditionBecome aware of what is mentally happening when you are running away from commitment. By knowing what is exactly happening when you are walking out of a relationship, you will be able to handle and help yourself well. Way 3- Find The Root of Your FearsExplore the sources for what you feel about relationships and commitment. Discover incidents in childhood which slowly disillusioned the image of loving relationships. Consider your ex-partners and admit their merits as well. By finding the root of your fears, you will be able to become aware of it when you are in the act of bailing out on a great relationship. Way 4- HypnotherapyThrough hypnotherapy, you will get to know the root of your fear. The process also involves creation of an unconscious transformation in the patient in the form of thoughts, feelings, and attitude. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Lifespan Integration are also helpful ways to treat commitment phobia. Way 5- Consciously Think About The Pros As WellThink about the loving relationships you have wanted and understand that relationships are filled with ups and downs. Every person is guarded naturally against pain and you do not have to excessively fortify your emotions. Write down all the good things about your lover. Also note down the things you find faulty about them. Then, ask yourself if your act of complaining is much like the desires your parents or closed ones might have imposed on you. Know that every person has a set of incapacities, and as long as it does not affect their love towards you, you should not be worried by it. Way 6- Imagine The UltimateIf you are not going to work on the commitment phobia, realize that you will never be able to establish the loving relationship you have always wanted. To make sure that you do not end up missing out on the wonderful experience, you have to weigh the relationship wholly. As mentioned earlier, write down both the pros and cons. Weigh your fears and decide what you feel. Way 7- Control Your Urges to Walk OutYou might be urged to leave the moment you find an imperfection in the other. Assure yourself to understand your partner. Take your time, but do not walk out. Learn to stay and work on the issues that the other might have. Way 8- CommunicateOne of the main problems that commitment phobic people have is that they do not talk about their problems, as they believe to open up about their emotions would mean to be vulnerable and to lose their power in the relationship. If your partner loves and cares about you, then open up to him/her. Let him/her know how you feel. This would prepare the other for any tough situations in the future, and you would also learn to judge and trust the other. Way 9- The Time Is NowYou might think about all the bad things in your current relationship and talk it out. However, remember that you might just be missing out on a beautiful experience because of your fear. If you want to work on your commitment issues, the time is now. Learn about your partner more and judge your relationship objectively. Be aware of any fears that arise and their source. Answer the fears rationally and do not suppress them. Slowly, talk to your partner and deal with the phobia. Way 10- Love Yourself And Build Strong RelationshipsThe first step to treating any phobia is to accept oneself and begin the process of being compassionate to oneself. Love yourself. Often, there is a fertile ground of low self-esteem boiling under the over-confidence about demerits of the other. Accept your incapacities as well as merits. Build your relationship with honesty and gradually let open the doors of your love. You do not have to suppress any of your fears. You have to confront and answer them. By communicating with your partner and remembering to receive their love without complaint, you will be able to overcome your fears completely.
5 tips to reduce your salt intakeSalt is an inevitable part of our food, but added salt has harmful effects on the body. The list of benefits in reducing sodium/salt intake in our diet runs long, ranging from lower blood pressure, in turn leading to reduced risks of heart disease, obesity, and diseases of the kidney. The daily sodium intake of an individual should not exceed 1500-2300 mg per day (a table spoon of salt approximately), and this needs to be maintained in the salt added to our food, including the processed food and drinks we buy. Sodium, an indispensable component of our diet, is consumed in excess by most of us. Follow the tips, as mentioned below, to curb your daily salt intake. Avoid added salt. Do not add salt to already cooked food while eating. Keep a diary and make a list of foods with salt in them that you eat daily. Do not forget to add pickles, spices, papads, salted biscuits, and salted nuts. All of these are highly loaded with salt. Next time you go shopping read the labels. Choose low-salt options-sauces, crackers, khakhra, instead of papad. Make an attempt to eat less canned and processed foods. Choose fresh fruits and vegetables over processed food. Eat less bread. Each bread slice has about 250 mg of sodium. Do not mistake bread to be healthy. Next time, keep this in mind when you go out to eat pizza. Pizza base is like bread. While cooking food, make it a point to add salt only towards the end in the recipe. This way you will need to add lesser salt. Sodium content of some foods Bread (one slice) - 250mg Cheese pizza: 450 - 1200mg Tomato soup: 350 - 1000mg Potato chips: 100 - 150mg
Top 10 tips for weight maintenanceTIP 1: Stay Calm and PlanDon't worry about your weight excessively. This will only result in stress which can be counter-productive to your pursuit. Remember that you have reached the goal you had to and you are strong enough to sustain it. Take one day at a time. Do not think about how you are going to keep it forever. Just focus on the next day. TIP 2: Health JournalKeep a journal where you note down your eating and exercising patterns. Write down what you eat, plan your meals, drink adequate water, and form an exercise regime. Did you know that you can include an activity within your life as a habit by performing it for 21 days? Do these things not because you have to but because they are good for your health. Slowly, they will become a part of who you are. TIP 3: Being Healthy Is A Lifetime DealOne of the greatest mistakes that people do is to think that once they have lost weight, they can return to their early eating habits. Remember that your health is with you for life. Shift your perspective from 'I have to become thin' to 'I have to be healthy.' Once you do this, you will find it easier to stay healthy for the well-being of your body. TIP 4: Be RealisticWhen you are planning your lifestyle, don't take up unrealistic goals. This is one of the reasons why weight-trainers say that the best way to reduce and sustain right weight is to make it 'your life.' Eat right, sleep well, and drink lots of water. These three, if done properly, can help you to have the right body weight. If you have any rules like 'don't eat cake or pastries ever,' 'quit drinking,' then rethink about them. Are you going to be able to never eat sweets? The primary goal is to make a balance, choose the middle path. TIP 5: Get An Idea Of Your Weight-PatternMany people stop weighing their body once they have reached the ideal weight. They think that the scales are only for the fat ones. A person with such a perspective is only looking for slim bodies and not healthy ones. Remember that your weight is not a judgment of your appearance, but a barometer of your health. So do not stop doing the weekly weight checks. Keep a report of your weight every week and check out the causes for any abnormal changes. TIP 6: Accept Your Limitations And Learn From ThemEveryone has their ups and downs. Don't get discouraged and be angry at yourself if you binged on a donut on a cloudy day. Everyone makes mistakes. It is not the end of your weight maintenance. It is simply a blip. Learn from it. Know what the causes are for it and work on making sure you react to the cause differently next time. TIP 7: Thirst And HungerYour body could confuse your thirst for hunger. So, if you are feeling hungry really soon after your previous meal, then start by drinking a glass of water and check if you feel better. If you do not, then it is time for a light healthy snack. TIP 8: Inspire YourselfWeight maintenance is primarily a psychological task. Till the time you were reaching the ideal weight, you learn everything you had to about being healthy. Now, you have to make sure you don't let obstructions stop you from sustaining this healthy lifestyle. So, join other people who are only in the process of maintaining their weight. Become part of the running blub or catch up with a health conscious friend regularly. TIP 9: Mind Over MatterBalance your eating patterns. If you think that you will be going out for lunch, then have a healthy breakfast and cut down on the dinner. You might be craving for a dessert, so you can have salad for the main course and treat your sweet tooth. Talk to yourself about what you are going to eat. Ask yourself if you really want to eat it because you are hungry or are there any other reasons for it. How would you feel about it after you are done eating? TIP 10: Celebrate Your AchievementsLastly, be proud of your weight maintenance program. Celebrate the fact that you worked hard towards making sure you have a healthy body and invite people who were part of your pursuit. Embrace your body and toast to the next year of a healthy lifestyle.
Some tips to prevent night blindnessHere are some foods and eating tips, which will help improve vision and prevent night blindness: Eat dark green leafy vegetables like spinach and collards. These contain high amount of lutein and zeaxanthin, the nutrients for healthy eyes. Do not smoke. A glass of red wine daily is fine but drinking is not. Stay away from hydrogenated oils, refined carbohydrates and sugars in excess. Always wear sunglasses while going out in bright light to avoid potential sun damage to eyes.  Amber and grey-coloured lenses are effective against ultraviolet rays. See an eye specialist and get prescription glasses for driving at night, if required. Do not ride in dim light at night and see if you can postpone the work until next day. Even good lighting conditions at night even in a big city, can be troublesome to someone with night blindness. Vitamin A rich foods like spinach, carrot, papaya, broccoli, and mangoes should be added to your daily diet. Fish oil is a great source of vitamin A. Cod-liver oil is used as medicine too. Some wild plants are said to be rich in vitamin Abut they are seasonal, available in small quantities and there isn't much known about them. Beans are another fairly common source of vitamin A. These are consumed especially during autumn. Eggs are a good source of vitamin A. Eat eggs daily. People with high cholesterol should, however, limit their egg intake. Hot pepper is contains vitamin A too, but the preservation method, sun-drying, decreases the vitamin A content. Carrots are another good source. They are high in vitamin A and arenot expensive as well.
Reasons for skipping sexThe most important satisfaction brick in a marriage's foundation, sex is where we show the greatest trust, most openly express intimacy and make ourselves most vulnerable. It is the most personal and private area of our relationship. It is the one area that separates this relationship from all others. Yet, there are times for both husbands and wives when sex becomes a burden and not a blessing, an inconvenience instead of intimacy, and a job instead of jubilee. Curious as to why people might be skipping sex? This is only a partial list and far from exhaustive. Reasons related to your body: I have a migraine. I have a stomachache. My body is too tired. My breasts are too sore. I am too sleepy. I can't keep my eyes open. I just need to take a little nap first. Okay, but I have a rash. Okay, but I have several weird looking cold sores. Reasons related to your emotions: I am depressed. I am worried. I am sad. Cry Reasons related to your kids: The kids are still up. We might wake up the kids. I just had a baby. This baby is wearing me out. Reasons related to your experts: My therapist said I need to give myself some time. My counselor said I should create some boundaries. I have to see my Gynecologist tomorrow. The Doctor gave me these sleeping pills for stress and I just took one. Reasons related to your spouse: Who was that girl / guy you were talking to on the phone? Sex, Sex, Sex All you ever want is sex! Why can't you just hold me? You should have asked in a more romantic way! Why do you have to use such crude language? Reasons related to your weather: It's just too hot. It's just too cold. It's too humid. Reasons related to your economy: When the economy improves. When the interest rates go down. When inflation goes down Reasons related to your special circumstances: We just got back from vacation! When I lose 20 kgs. Reasons related to your friends: I need to make a call first. My friend said they only do it once a month. Reasons related to your pets: The dog can see us. The cat is on the bed. Reasons related to your finances: Okay, but first we need to talk about the bills. Why did you charge this hotel room on our credit card? Reasons related to your job or boss: I have to get up early tomorrow. I was up all night last night. I had a long day at work today. The boss just gave me a new project and I have a lot of work to do Reasons related to your religion: Doesn't the Bible warn against having too much sex. I am sorry, but I just took a vow. I am giving up sex for Lent. Reasons related to your in-laws: We are in your parent's house. I have not been able to concentrate since your mother Your parents will hear us. Offer an alternative: Can I just take care of you in the shower? Okay, but you have to drive the kids to school in the morning. Use evasive tactics: Sneak in and go to sleep early. Okay, but let's watch this movie first. It's just too late. I'll be there in a minute. (Take an hour) Can we just cuddle? I just need you to hold me. Ask a sensitive question: Did you go to the bank and make our deposit today? Have you seen the kid's report cards? Wait for your spouse to tease you and then say coldly, well, you just lost whatever you were going to get tonight.
The earlier yearsSexual concerns experienced during the drastic body changes and feelings of adolescence are often carried into adulthood. Sexual desires are powerful and frequently go beyond the earlier popular forms of sexual expression - kissing, hugging and petting without being aware of the consequences. Anxiety the commonest case of erectile dysfunction is compounded by the present life style - get-togethers, parties, with alcohol and drugs, visits to sex workers or massage parlours which offer other sexual services leading to unplanned, unprotected sex. Consequently seen are unwanted pregnancy, abortions, drug addiction, sexually transmitted diseases, anxiety and depression leading sometimes to suicide. Males seem to have more concerns then females. A common concern is nocturnal emission (night fall, Swapana Dosh) of semen and length of penis. Nocturnal emission of spermatic fluid is falsely believed to weaken a person. Really all that's happening is that excess of sperms is being thrown out to make place for the new ones. The length of the penis troubles many. Young people fall prey to advertisements that claim to lengthen it. The fact of the matter is that a penis an erection of 2.5 wide (10cms) is enough for a sexual intercourse for a person who knows the art to satisfy a partner. Ignorance about masturbation is widely prevalent among males of all ages leading to guilt, anxiety, depression and at times to suicide. Older men erroneously think their cause of erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation is masturbation. Masturbation is a highly pleasurable act in males. It does not harm the body or exhaust the sperms. In fact it is a safe way to satisfy. Females also masturbate but the percentage to men is much less. They also seem more comfortable with the activity. Masturbation has gone through years of superstition fear of ill effects, considered as a unhealthy practice and considered sin by some religions. Fifty or more years ago doctors and activities thought it caused harm to the body. It is said that corn flakes, the popular breakfast cereal was specifically formulated by Mr. Keleog to help a person not to masturbate. Today thinking has changed. It is now thought that it is an activity that does not cause any harm to the body. It does not finish all the vital sperms over the years so that it will not hinder having children in future. Its wide misuse is common. Persons use it indiscriminatingly when they cannot sleep, when they are tense for e.g. before an examination, some do it more than four to six times a day, which only indicates their immaturity. When done to satisfy a natural sexual urge it is a healthy activity. It keeps the person safe from infection and is said to teach the person skill for sexual intercourse. Technology has helped in many ways but sometimes it creates problems. A person hooked on to porno sites to arouse his desire is found to cause a loss of self confidence conflict with the partner sexual intimacy and intercourse. Before marriage or a partnership both male and female have concerns. Females if they have a previous partner but are getting married to another worry about the husband finding out of their loss of virginity, others worry about the size of their breasts, excessive hair on body or excessive fear of pain at intercourse. Men worry about whether their penis is long enough whether their long standing masturbation will hinder intercourse or prevent them of being a father. The absent hymen a false notion for virginity can be congenitally absent, split by exercise like swimming, cycling etc. or most commonly by masturbation. The hymen therefore is no proof of virginity. Learning to do with what they have making full use of their points and feeling comfortable and proud of their bodies help a lot to overcome the concern. Adopting a safe sex policy is best achieved by masturbation; avoiding sex with an unknown person and multiple partners; during intercourse with sex workers not using condoms every time and being careful of oral sex. Satisfying each other by caressing, hugging, kissing etc. with clothes on is safe; without clothes extra vaginal sex by mutual masturbation is safe with a trusted partner and finally not so safe is vaginal intercourse unless done with a condom correctly worn.
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